Of the seven sacraments it seems appropriate that only two would reference death while the remaining five speak of life. Jesus came so that we would have life to its full. (John 10:10) The sacraments of confirmation, holy Eucharist, anointing of the sick, (formerly called extreme unction and administered only to those gravely ill or in danger of death), holy orders, and matrimony are definitive concepts of spiritual life.

When I was first taught about the two sacraments that concern the absence of life – baptism and penance – it took extra consideration for me as a young girl to recognize that these rites extend sanctifying grace to souls spiritually dead prior to their apportionment. I had not thought of them in that light. In my naiveté I couldn’t associate baptism with death; and, penance seemed only a process to erase mistakes, I did not associate it with death either.

Baptism imprints upon the soul a spiritual mark which lasts forever but thankfully penance, through the Grace of God, may be administered as many times as we require it whenever we fall in our attempt to carry the cross of life we have been given. Prior to receiving both sacraments the soul is in grave danger of the worst condition imaginable – permanent separation from God.

As penance assumes the vanguard position during this Lenten season I am reminded of a recent conversation. Not long ago I spoke with a man that I have known for many years, Rick, who is a few years younger than I. Rick was a reckless boy, immature in many ways, brash, and exercised poor judgment more often than not. As he grew his choices rarely improved with time. Those of us who knew him attributed his behavior to a home where his mother drank alcohol often and excessively, an absent father, and a far too lenient grandmother. I have seen God-fearing strong women successfully rear male children and transform them into the men they were created to become, but a woman weak to alcohol or other destructive habits has only the tiniest of margins to succeed in that effort unless the child miraculously assumes the parental role. Short of that, the journey for a boy to become a man requires good influence and the careful guidance of a man. As irreverent as Rick became he was never disrespectful to me and periodically when we ran into one another through mutual friends our exchange was always cordial.

The recent phone call from Rick concerned a business matter. After it was concluded he asked if I had a few minutes just to talk and as the conversation flowed I became engrossed by his openness. Rick explained that he had just concluded a round of chemotherapy and felt the need to share an experience with me. His diagnosis of cancer was well known as was the fact that he was undergoing treatment in a facility upstate. That was not what Rick wanted to talk about. He wanted to share an encounter that he faced a few months earlier, just before his doctor discovered his cancer.

Rick said after tests were run to determine his then unknown condition he experienced a dream in which he descended rapidly and deeply into an abyss of indescribable darkness. He likened the transport to that of being in one of those glass elevators except the descent that began slowly took on a falling sensation; his heart raced in unison with the unexpected drop. He felt fear that was far greater than any of the harrowing episodes of his tumultuous life, and I must admit that given what I knew of him that was quite a statement. Rick’s voice quivered as he described the dream and I knew that only raw emotion drove him to continue. He said that at first he wasn’t sure he was dreaming; he thought the symptoms that caused him to seek medical care were too far delayed and that he had died. Somehow that notion was dispelled and while he felt no relief with that knowledge he immediately sensed the message he was receiving might easily result in death. Whatever the vehicle that he believed he was in stopped suddenly and just as abruptly he felt tugged, first on his feet, then legs, and arms and he wanted to run away but was unable. Screams more akin to shrieks surrounded him in the stark darkness and touching quickly became clawing. He said that he cried out, “No! Please no.” and without the benefit of sight somehow recognized every sin that he had committed throughout his life. He described his remorse for each one. Rick said he screamed out to God and begged His forgiveness and mercy as the embodiment of suffering laughed mercilessly at his condition and his pleas. Rick said he just knew that the overwhelming sensation to repent overrode even his yearning to escape this place of despair as the realization that each sin before him was a direct affront on God, his creator. Despite the three-fold amass of fear his consuming thought was of how his life offended God, and his sorrow in that alone was overwhelming. He realized that God did not deserve the pain of his lifelong decisions and that they earned him his present circumstance.

Suddenly he heard a voice ask him if this was the future he wanted in eternity and his immediate reply of “No!” brought about a soft light. However, the result was terrifying. Materialized before him were grotesque deformed figures that wailed in agony and struggled to reach him although at that point they could not. He said that he was petrified, unable to speak, yet the presence engaged him in what he could only describe as transcendental conversation in which he completely understood and responded to this light-bearer as though with their voices.

At the point of near despair the entity explained that it is a sin to despair for that is deliberate refusal to trust that God will give us the help necessary to save our soul. It was neither an accusatory nor gentle admonition, merely an offering of facts. Rick said that he accepted, acknowledged, and appreciated every detail given him throughout this discourse and as quickly as he descended into the gaping pit, he felt the familiarity of his bed.

Instantly he understood the full meaning of his experience. He had been given an opportunity to repent. He dropped to his knees, offered thanksgiving to God, The Almighty, and soon after his telephone rang. He was instructed to come to his physician’s office. When he arrived he was told of his cancer and the treatment that was available. His prognosis was less than desirable but Rick said that he was numb to the news and could only pray there was enough time to get his life in order to stand before God. He had been blessed with a second chance and he would be eternally grateful for whatever amount of time that involved.

When we concluded our conversation we prayed together and thanked God for Rick’s extension. He had an obligation to find God but who among us can boast that we have lived our lives just as God would wish us to? Who can cast the first stone at Rick? I certainly would not be among them. After we hung up I prayed for his soul and all who find themselves outside of decisions that God would want for us while we have the opportunity to choose. I am certain that He still does not want to lose anyone.

The gift of life is extraordinarily precious but many in the world are proficient at convincing God’s weaker children to take it for granted, treat is casually, reject life-giving decisions, ignore God’s wishes.

“LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. You sift through my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I go from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, there you are. If I take the wings of dawn and dwell beyond the sea, even there your hand guides me, your right hand holds me fast. If I say, “Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light,”— darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one. You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know. My bones are not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me unformed; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be. How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the sands; when I complete them, still you are with me. When you would destroy the wicked, O God, the bloodthirsty depart from me! Your foes who conspire a plot against you are exalted in vain.”           Psalms 139:1-20

{Thank you for spending some time with me. May God always Bless you.}