Up until relatively recently, I worked in a secular school and was required to teach all of the world religions to the students in my care. I remember once delivering a lesson on Islamic prayer and witnessing the sheer horror on my pupils faces when they saw grown men and women prostrating themselves in full physical and spiritual submission to Allah.

I asked the students to whom or what they might prostrate before- maybe their parents, their favourite band member, sportsperson or actor? I asked them if anyone could perform this physical prostration for the benefit of the class, so that they could identify how it made them feel- did they feel how they felt when they were dressed up to go out, for example?

We explored this idea and contemplated a word that they had never identified or considered before- the word ‘humble’.

The vast majority of students said that they would not bow down before anyone or anything. To them, nothing was worthy of such a humiliating and embarrassing pose. It was unnecessary, as far as they could see. They believed that there was nothing worthy of such devotion or humble submission in their own lives.

So many of those children whom I taught had been encouraged from every angle, to adore all that comes from man. They had been told to put their trust in this-that man has the answers to all the questions that are worth asking and those questions that man cannot answer are not worth asking.

They had been told to trust only that which can be seen or heard, neglecting the powerful vision of the heart and the soul.

So, for them it was difficult to understand why anyone should remove their shoes, cover their head and lie flat on the floor, nose to the ground…in submission to something that they could not see.

It is hard when you are young, to not believe that you are the centre of everything, your self awareness is strong at that age… but at the same time I believe that children are not being made aware of the value of two important ideas- those of simplicity and humility.

The forces of the world are so strong, to go against them means poverty in some form- so we encourage our children to strive for the world, to fit into it, to be like it. We know that they will suffer if we encourage them otherwise. We fear that people will think them weak minded fools who dream of a world that doesn’t exist.

This is sometimes a dilemma for me. Just the other day I heard another mum telling me that she encourages her child to fight back if anyone upsets him. I can understand what she is saying, but something within me didn’t rejoice in her words. I could envision the playground erupting in little fights as everyone defended their own honour, pride and sense of self righteousness-when would it stop?

It reminded me of a story from Buddhism that I used to tell my students. The Buddha said that someone bought a present for another person, but when he went to give the gift to them they refused to receive it. The Buddha asked- to whom does the gift belong, the person who bought it or the person who refused to receive it? He explained that this is like the anger and aggression given to us by another, if we refuse to receive it, then it stays with the person who was trying to give it to you.

And what of the power of prayer for those who persecute us- how passive this seems…unless we truly understand the real power of speaking to God and of asking him to help us.

The answers may not be the ones that the world accepts or recognises…but God has the benefit of knowing all the transcendent mysteries of eternity and I know that his answers to me reflect life eternal and the place He has made for me within it. He wants me to be worthy of it and I know that, in the context of this world it most probably means sacrifice and carrying my cross.

If I am humble of heart then the voice I strive to hear is not the selfish, fearful pride of my own ego or will, but that of the Creator who asks me to show Love.

I suppose that I am an idealistic dreamer but I do know that the riches given by God are incomparable to the riches given by the world. I have felt the peace and love which comes from God. It frees you from this world and the skies open up to show you eternity…

I know also that true blissful knowledge of God comes from a heart which is humble and a tongue which speaks simply of the truth. A heart which has given its will over to Gods.

It is only a humble heart which can realise that it has been created by something much, much greater. It is only a humble heart that can accept that all truth comes from God. It is only a humble heart that can question no more. It is only a humble heart that speaks and acts simply and truthfully, devoid of boast or pride. It is only a humble heart that can accept any sacrifice which it is called to make. It is only a humble heart that can accept the truth of the Bible. It is only a humble heart which makes all good things possible.

A humble heart is a strong one, as it has found the true source and destiny of its being- infinite Love.

For many years I wouldn’t say the Apostles Creed. I would go to church and participate only in those parts in which I agreed. I had probably read in some academic publication about the dubious nature of some Catholic doctrine and had thenceforth decided that I would not agree with it by verbalising it in the creed.

This would not be the only example of the exercising of my will and ‘intelligence’. Even at school I would stand as requested to sing the National Anthem, but my lips would remain stubbornly shut.

How indignant I felt! Why should I? I don’t have to if I don’t want to! I know better!

For quite a long time I existed at the mercy of my will, my ego and my intelligence. I was definitely the centre of my universe! Shelves full of very clever books, certificates attesting to my academic skill, I knew so much but understood so little. Oh, so many questions and discussions to be had, so many ideas to analyse and debate, so many choices in which to believe.

I can choose and I alone will make the choice.

I was thrashing about trying to find the answers yet failing to ask the right questions. My brain full of ideas, assumptions, certainties, so busy thinking… yet failing to realise that truth can often be found in silence.

My heart was closed to so much truth and beauty, because I allowed it to be. My will and intelligence got in the way.

My will and intelligence, that had been shaped and influenced by this world, a world where the ego reigns supreme, a world where man believes himself to be the master…but who, in reality is just a slave to his own selfish and misguided desires.

Oh dear, oh dear! What a fool I can be! And how things have changed…

It was like in a moment I realised the brash emptiness of my endeavours. Any self seeking thought I had lost its momentum within seconds and I could only think of God. I could see so clearly how anything from me was finite…yet God, powerful in ways we cannot imagine, was unfathomable in His greatness and Love.

Our true alpha and omega.

It humbled me immediately. My lips closed, my earthly eyes lowered, yet the eyes of my soul were wide open toward heaven, my knees bent low, my thoughts quietened… as I waited for the truth of God to guide me, always.

I had discovered what it felt like to love God, to see clearly how everything comes from Him. Nothing again would be the same. I would seek only to do what pleases Him. I would give Him my entire being. I would see how a life lived without God at the centre misses out on so much…a real connection with the spiritual heart of everything ,a sense of ones eternal destiny, the love that God has for each soul on earth.

But especially the knowledge that you are loved without measure by the Ultimate Creator of everything.

I had given my heart to God and I hoped that whenever I spoke or sought to do anything from that moment on, that I would do so from the heart…and not from the selfish emptiness of my own ego.

I understood how impossible it was to love God if one was in fact only in love with oneself.

There is a song that I just love to listen to. I spend a lot of time in my car transporting both myself and my children to school and nursery, to swimming lessons, to football training, to the shops and to church. I have my favourite CD (‘What wondrous Love’ by Marian Grace) on in the car during these everyday journeys and invariably I will flick through until I get to number 8.

The song is in fact a prayer and the words are:

Let nothing disturb you

Let nothing frighten you

All things are passing

God never changes

Patient endurance obtains all it strives for

With God as your portion, nothing is wanting

Alone God suffices

Alone you are enough

God you are all we need

And with you with me

Consume us alone

You are the King

And though we crowned you with thorns

You crown us with glory

Humbly we thank you

Consumed by Grace

The song always has a tremendous effect on me. I am probably an emotional old fool but I really feel my heart opening up to heaven when I hear it. It resonates so clearly with me and so with great and sweet intensity I am able to feel the love, the power and the majesty of God.

Just yesterday I was listening to this in the car and I remember clearly thinking that this song was absolutely my ultimate favourite.

How strange then that later that day, in the evening I should be browsing through the posts on a forum that I belong to and I felt strangely compelled to read one called ‘My favourite prayer’.

There were the words of my song!

Once again I felt that heaven was speaking to me, showering me with Grace and letting me know that my God had seen the devotion in my heart ascending to heaven at the words of the song!

I felt consumed by Grace, just as it said in the song… and also drawn to investigate further the origins of the words contained within this prayerful song.

I discovered that the words came from Teresa of Avila.

I love to read about the lives of the saints, there is so much to be gained from this and learning about Teresa of Avila has proven to be no exception.

It turns out that she too, in her early life was easy prey for vanity and slipped without hitch into the worldly life, thus ignoring God. She became embroiled in flattery, vanity and gossip.

For many years she was unable to feel prayer in her heart but God gradually gave her the grace to truly pray. Often it was prayer without words, instead she felt the peace of God as awareness of Him overwhelmed her. Such experiences led her to write that contemplative prayer is in fact just spending time alone with God whom we know loves us.

I am still learning and finding out about Teresa of Avila, but it is strange how sometimes the saints come to us in order to help us. I feel that this is what has happened here and I will endeavour to find out more about her. So thank you God, once again you have shown me how I am truly consumed by Grace.

She weighed only as much as a small bag of groceries when she was born. Her flesh was so delicate, soft and fragile. Her father could just about hold her in one of his big hands.

Her whole body, which would soon contain so much knowledge and so many ideas, and which would soon be so full of her ‘self’, was now too heavy for her to lift. She would learn later that she would never be strong enough to carry herself, she would always need the help of someone greater.

In her fleshly vulnerability she was so easy to destroy… yet she had the greatest potential to grow and to be strong.

Her fingers grasped tightly around anything which was put into her palm and one would find it hard to gently unbind her tiny fingers from their firm grasp.

Her shining eyes with their long lashes searched for something amidst the brightness and noise, something which would give her peace and happiness… and they soon rested on her parents who looked back at her so lovingly.

She got tired so quickly of the world around her with its bright lights and endless noise and she would soon be still, warm and quiet in her mothers arms- her infant face so peaceful and sweet.

Soon she would smile at anyone, bringing them joy in her innocence and she would gurgle contentedly as she played with her tiny toes.

Her life was so simple and this showed in her face and in her eyes, she was so quick to feel joy, sleeping easily with no hint of anxiety to furrow her brow.

Soon her legs grew strong and she liked to play outside, chattering away with her friends as they invented little games to play, involving daisies from the lawn or the shade of a big tree.

And still she slept soundly at night. She almost had a smile on her face as she slept, or so her parents thought.

Still onwards, time passes and she is a child no more-she is a young woman in the world…but finding it hard.

The bright lights have become quite blinding and although she does not realise it yet, she is in fact finding it hard to see clearly.

Chasing after things which seem so desirable and necessary. Forgetting about simplicity and seeing only the attractions of wealth. She finds it hard to rest and sleep is not peaceful. It carries with it the worries of the day, the fear of failures, the threat of loneliness and the anxiety of the approaching dawn.

She seeks to avoid these things as she wakes, pushing herself into the world, leaving behind what she knows she should be, that which the world rejects as weak and pitiful.

She is like a leaf caught in the wind, blown this way and then that. She suffers so much damage, but the wind is too strong, too uncompromising for her to realise its effect. It doesn’t give her a chance to reflect on what is happening to her. She is losing sight of herself, she cannot see where she really begins or where she ends. Always at the mercy of the powerful forces in the world-striving for wealth and material possessions, looking for recognition and acclaim in order to feed her greedy ego, driven only by pride and vanity.

She has done so many terrible things in her futile quest, but still she doesn’t feel the pain of them in her soul. She carries on, trusting what the world tells her…striving to belong to it. She still cannot see how ultimately futile are her endeavours.

She does everything without love in her heart. She loves only her self.

She has immersed her self in so much darkness. Darkness that had the appearance of light, just a minute ago… and she begins to wonder as to what she has become.

How did the world steal her away…?

She wants to be pure again.

She looks beyond and sees God, who was always there waiting for her. So strong, so simple and so good.

She falls to her knees at the sight of His immense Love. He gave her the potential to be so pure and so good but her heart breaks at how she has violated herself…the suffering she has caused, the love she failed to give. She cannot stop this sorrow. It is an agony for her.

She begins to understand how she was called to be holy, how her soul comes from God, the Creator. She sees how far she has travelled away from Him. She calls out to Him with desperate urgency, pleading for Him to save her from herself.

Grace floods her entire being. She can feel it everyday. She realises how she had not been careful, how she had allowed herself to be deceived and how she had performed countless acts of anger, hatred and destruction.

She could see how she had fallen short of whom she was created to be- a being of love, kindness, compassion and humility.

She sees Jesus properly for the first time. His Love for her brings her heart back to life. She sees the majesty of the Cross. She understands the suffering that he endured for her and it is clear to see how she, through her own sin, drove in the nails on His hands and His feet.

She wants Him to know the real depth of her repentance, she needs to hear his words of forgiveness. In his Love and Mercy He gives her this.

But then she sins again…

Oh God, when it is time for me to stand in front of the doors of heaven, I know that I will hang my head in shame. You gave me so much and I still failed so many times. In the heat of the moment, in the span of a heartbeat the sin was so easy to commit, but I will feel its spiritual consequences for eternity within my soul.

My soul has already felt the despair and desolation of separation from you, every time I have sinned…I cannot bear for this to be my eternity. Help me, Jesus to be strong when I feel seduced by the deceiver.

I am so weak but… I can be forgiven. I can change… but only with you guiding me. Never leave my side, Lord.

I want to be born again in You and I want my soul to be as trusting as it was when it first took on the clothing of flesh. I want my eyes to search only for you, Lord and for my grasp to rest only in your hands.

Help me to trust in your Love and in your Merciful forgiveness and please allow me to be with you forever.

It is so easy to get caught up in apocalyptic fever.

For two thousand years souls have been yearning for His return.

We have been waiting for Him to reveal the true glory of God which lies behind all things, putting in their rightful place the arrogance, pride and vanities of men. We want to see the heavens open, revealing to us what we knew deep in our hearts…that there is a God who created all things, and who has asked us only to love Him and our neighbour as we love ourselves.

We want to go home…

I have to be honest, I feel this yearning daily, sometimes minute by minute. I often feel a dreadful pain of separation in that I cannot see Jesus or Mary or the choirs of angels surrounding the heavenly throne.

I can feel them and I know they speak to me… but I want to hold their hands, walk with them through paradise, look into the unfathomable kindness of their eyes and feel that my soul has found its eternal rest.

I look around me and see such anger, hatred and ignorance made manifest in countless acts of aggression and violence, both physical and emotional. The earth itself is not silent, it speaks in rumblings and quakes and in fire and water.

Some would say that we are living in quite remarkable times. Indeed one has only to read the messages from the many visionaries and seers to believe that something is afoot.

However my consumption of all these apocalyptic tales has only brought me back to that same feeling. The only one that gives me peace.

I read about warnings and chastisements and the need to be ready…but then I put down the book or switch off the power, I close my eyes and rest my rather worried head on His chest, near to His Sacred Heart. I feel His hand around mine and I ask Him to forgive me and hold me like that forever. I feel His peace flooding through my soul, it is blissful.

I suppose I am saying that I just trust Him to look after me, because I know that I am really just a foolish repentant sinner who understands so little and who makes so many mistakes… but, who earnestly and desperately wants to be good and worthy. I have told Him that I can’t do anything without Him, not even breathe… so I want Him to walk with me everywhere, as I take the kids to school or as I nip around the supermarket. I fail in everything without the light of His goodness to guide me.

My God is full of mercy and I am learning to trust in His merciful Love.

I once felt that heaven spoke to me and gave me a sign…yes me, a sign! I remember my heart speaking to God and asking Him in anguish what would happen. It seemed that evil would destroy us all, eating away at our souls and whisking us all away to hell, before we even realised what had happened. I wanted God to assure me that He was there and would make it all right. I was driving down a country lane near where I live and could see something lying in the road. As I got closer I could see that it was a snake!

I live in England, on a farm- we rarely, if ever see snakes. This is a green and pleasant land and the only wildlife one is most likely to see would be a blackbird, a robin red breast, an earthworm or maybe a poodle!

I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing, so I got out of my car and cautiously yet curiously walked toward it. As I got closer I realised that my anguished prayer had been answered… as the head of the serpent had been crushed! Evil would be destroyed!

At that moment I knew that whatever might happen in the world… the wars, murders and earthquakes…that the final and absolute triumph would belong to the God of Love! I had to trust in this!

So for this year I am going to trust and rest in my Lord, striving to do as he teaches in the Bible…loving Him and my neighbour, seeking always to be humble, kind and good.

I often like to think about what it must have been like to see Jesus and to talk to him.

What were his eyes like? Were they warm and kind, yet penetrating? How did it feel when those eyes rested on your own? How did it feel to be in His presence? Was he tall or short? What made Him laugh? What was the tone of His voice? Did it speak to your heart in ways that no other voice had ever done?

What did it feel like when He called you by your name?

I can feel my heart swelling now even as I write these ponderings. I can almost feel Him next to me, smiling at me, as I express my desire to be with Him forever, unworthy as I am.

I love to read the stories about Him in the Bible. But then I like to picture the scene in my mind and really feel the intensity of the events from the viewpoints of the people in the story. Was it a hot day? Were children playing nearby? Were there dogs and cats around, lazing in the sun? Were there women around doing chores?

How did it feel when the events were over and Jesus had moved on?

We are told in John that he spat on the ground and made mud, which he then rubbed on a blind man’s eyes. How amazing to witness! The man could see, but the Pharisees didn’t believe him and were greatly angered by the claim that Jesus had healed the man. If I was walking through my town, after doing my shopping and saw a man doing this today, then what would I think!? If the man was blind or deaf or mute or unable to walk… then how would I feel if he then saw, heard, talked or walked?

I suppose that it would be the same today as it was then-reactions of incredulity, suspicion, anger, curiosity, amazement, devotion.

In particular I love the stories of Jesus mixing with prostitutes, tax collectors and other sinners. He shared food with them and spoke with them, thus enraging and confusing many of the religious leaders of the time, who found it hard to understand why he would spend time with such hopeless and unclean sinners.

I can totally understand how the sinful woman wept her tears at His feet, then wiped them with her hair, kissed them with tenderness and then poured perfume on them. Only a heart that has been consumed by the despair of sin, that has shamelessly degraded itself, but yet has felt the merciful forgiveness of God could do such a thing.

The woman had felt what it means to truly repent. She had seen that there was another way. She had understood that Jesus was the way, the truth and the life.

Somehow this passage enables me to understand the mercy of God. God knows that we will fail and sin, time and time again. He knows that we are battling against dark deceptions to which we so easily succumb. Indeed Jesus tells us

‘I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance’.

He knows we will sin but he asks us to beg for forgiveness, to realise how far we have strayed, to feel the pull of His love for us in our heart…to want to be worthy of it.

Jesus loves the sinner…He gives them hope. He tells them that they are not lost nor forgotten and He comes to tenderly call them by their name.

I have a copy of the Bible next to my bed, and sometimes I like to read it.

It’s strange that it is a book which is so familiar to most people around the world, so many of us have heard of it; yet how many of us have actually read it with an open heart?

How many of us trust the truth of the words within it?

Recently I was reading through the Acts of the Apostles. I find these books quite fascinating. Jesus was dead, he had endured His passion and his followers had witnessed His Resurrection-he was no longer with his apostles in a physical way- yet these men continued to preach His word and proclaim Him as the Saviour- often at great detriment to their livelihood.

It leads me to only one conclusion…

And that is, that these men must have glimpsed Paradise. They must have had glimpses of heaven, they must have known a love that changed everything for them, they must have realised the divinity pulsing throughout creation. It gave them incredible courage, conviction and strength of heart. Indeed they were willing to die for Jesus and almost all of them did.

The stories of the deaths of the apostles have been handed down through the generations. We are told that:

• Peter was crucified upside down in Rome AD 64
• James was beheaded in AD 44
• John lived on
• Andrew was crucified upon an X shaped cross
• Philip was crucified in AD 54
• Bartholomew was skinned alive and then beheaded
• Matthew was killed by an axe in AD 60
• Thomas was killed in India in AD 72
• James was stoned at age 90 and then clubbed to death
• Jude was crucified
• Simon the Zealot was crucified in AD 74
• Matthias was stoned and beheaded

So, these men were executed, after the many years that they had spent preaching, teaching, healing and bearing witness to the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

We are told in the Bible that they were with Jesus as He spoke with love and authority to the crowds, as he performed truly miraculous healings, as he controlled the forces of nature.

These apostles must have told the people that they met about these events, as they travelled around the Mediterranean countries and into Asia.

Wouldn’t you want to cry out, ’Jesus raised a man to life!’, ‘Jesus made a blind man see!’, ‘He was dead but he came back to life!’, ‘He is the Messiah!’.

But how these words led them to their deaths, just as today those stories still exist in our Bibles for us to read whenever we so wish. But so many still struggle to listen and accept the truth of it in their hearts- just like the executioners in the First century.

So for me the Acts of the Apostles bear witness to the truth of Jesus…His miracles, His healings, the power of His teachings, His Resurrection and so His enduring and saving Love.

I would not be able to endure such persecution and face such terrifying deaths as these first followers of Jesus did…unless I too had seen Paradise.

I once read about the characteristics of someone who is experiencing some form of religious hysteria. Symptoms included, amongst others, a strong sense of a divided world – that is between the forces of good and of evil, as well as a sense of a personal struggle against demonic forces necessitating protection by ritual and sacramental artefacts.

However I have come to be somewhat suspicious and sceptical of so called scientific, rational and psychological explanations for what goes on in the world. I take it all in, but deep down I know that there is a supernatural element to all existence, that so many of those responsible for these explanations have not yet realised

I sometimes wonder if all the things that consume our daily lives were eradicated, such as the pursuit of wealth, the acquisition of material possessions, striving for personal achievement in order to bolster the ego, selfish ambition and the distractions of the media and of popular culture…then would we suddenly ‘hear’ the silence of the universe beckoning us towards full knowledge of our spiritual nature?

I suppose there are many out there who subscribe to the idea that maintaining a religious devotion is actually some form of psychological weakness and in its extreme form maybe even a sort of paranoia. It is very easy to accept this thinking today, as we so easily believe ourselves to be the masters of everything, worshipping nothing but our own ego.

But have these multitudes felt the Love of God? Have they known that peace and joy that depends on nothing other than accepting the Creator? Have they opened their heart to God and felt it being filled with His graces? Have they learnt how to be humble? Have they ‘heard’ that peaceful silence and felt their soul rest in the loving arms of God?

Have they spoken to God and asked Him to speak to them?

How wonderful if this were so!

So, I am not paranoid or suffering from some form of psychological error. I have simply realised what I am and what I am destined to be- a child of God who is on a difficult journey in a world shrouded in dark deceptions and temptations, that come from the enemy of Love. I am always asking for help as it is so easy to tread unwisely and so fall down into that ever present precipice…into eternal despair and regret.

This world for me is not the final story of my existence but it has a great part to play in my future.

I know that I have been given all that I need to journey correctly but I must ensure that I am not misled. I am always looking heavenwards hoping and knowing that one day I will see My Father.

But what of the enemy? Is not he at work, when we doubt that even he exists? Is it not important to understand your enemy…his many and clever deceptions, his tricks and the full extent of his hatred against God? If we can do this, then we can be more alert to where he is, which is wherever we feel like turning away from God and His ways.

‘Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy, the Devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour’ (1 Peter 5:8)

So Lord fill our hearts with the light of your love and consume us with a yearning for goodness…for in this way there will be no room for anything else and our enemy will be no more.

Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’ (Matthew 19:14)

There are so many things on this earth that can hold us back from God, that can make us resist His call to goodness and holiness.

These things though, provide us with the most seductive deception, they turn our heads and before we realise it we are lost, easy prey to the many tantalising temptations that abound in our societies today. By then we have lost sight of what is truly real and we will have set our course towards that shimmering oasis of oblivion, that has entranced us with its false and empty promises of wealth, comfort, fame or glory…

When I think about it now I realise that for quite a while my eyes were drawn to the glittery splendours and thrills of money and worldly glory. It is hard when people expect you to achieve so much in life, your parents might want you to get a good job with a plentiful income, and eager to please you make it your mission to do so. Life seems so much easier when there is a lot of money in the bank. Who do you have to answer to then?

Along the way though, you can forget your ultimate destination and your point of origin, looking instead for things to keep you happy for 80 years or so, whilst on earth. Those big houses with acres of land, new cars, fashionable clothes, or ‘superior’ jobs might convince you that all is well, but as time has gone on I wonder how they enrich our souls. I know, from experience, that they inflate the ego whilst squashing the soul. Our soul which is the essence of who we are and which one day we will have to contemplate for eternity, either in joy or sorrow.

Now though my pockets are empty and my ego has been put in its place. I don’t allow it to beckon me to its distractions, where my pride and vanity are indulged so generously, yet futilely.

No, I have realised that I am dust.

I have understood what it means to be humble.

It means to see things as they really are, to accept God as Father and Creator, to realise that you are a creature who has been given so much-and then to feel the deepest love and thanks for the Father in heaven.

For me it has meant a complete awakening to the power of prayer, a total acceptance of my inability to journey throughout this life on earth without God leading the way, it has given me the most sweetest yearning to one day look into His eyes. It means that I have given Him my heart, my mind and my body… and it is to Him that I must answer.

I have understood what it means to become as a little child, sitting at His knee, looking up to Him…for everything.

The other day someone called me a ‘layabout’.

Ok they were joking, but I had been asked whether I worked and I said, a little apologetically, that I was only a full time mum. That was their response.

They had however pinched a nerve that was clearly still ready to react to stimulus, and inwardly I indulged in a little indignation.

You see I had given up a teaching career a few years before and for some time I had been struggling with the question of what to do next.

I had taught Religious Studies to secondary school students and had somehow felt that God had put me in those classrooms for a reason. Maybe to enable reflection on spiritual matters and divinity amongst the young-whose lives were otherwise deeply entrenched in the secular.

Letting go of all that left me feeling like I had been stranded in the middle of a dark and fathomless ocean without a way forward.

Much prayer ensued. I would relentlessly ask God to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life… now that I was not called to teach about Him and His creation.

The answer that kept coming back to me was… to look after my family.

Those little lives that I had created needed my guidance and instruction every minute of the day…and often, the night!

It was my duty and responsibility to talk to my children with wisdom and as a result of prayer with God. It was my purpose as a mother to teach my little ones about their Father in heaven, His world both heavenly and earthly, and their place in it.

It was right that I now truly began to appreciate the structure, potential and vital importance of the family…how it was a task and an honour to work at it every day. I was beginning to understand the ministry of being a ‘mum’. I was beginning to understand also the dignity of my marriage vows that I made before God.

‘Parents are the ones who must create a family atmosphere animated by love and respect for God and man, in which the well-rounded personal and social education of children is fostered. Hence the family is the first school of the social virtues that every society needs. It is particularly in the Christian family, enriched by the grace and office of the Sacrament of Matrimony, that children should be taught from their early years to have a knowledge of God according to the faith received in baptism, to worship him, and to love their neighbour. Here too, they find their first experience of a wholesome human society and of the Church. Finally it is through the family that they are gradually led to a companionship with their fellow men and with the people of God. Let parents then recognise the inestimable importance a truly Christian family has for the life and progress of God’s own people.’

(Pope Paul VI, Gravissimum Educationis, October 28, 1965)

What a responsibility! What a task! And how I soon realised that there is only one way to approach it-namely with humility and prayer.

God had to be with me on this, as yet again I was soon reminded that I couldn’t do it on my own. The frustrations were too many, the tiredness too frequent and God help me, my temper too short! I definitely needed God’s peace and joy-so He gave it to me. Sometimes though, I forget who He wants me to be… but I am more than keen to begin again and do what is needed to be done.

So, I lit the home fire, I tend to it daily and make sure that it doesn’t go out. I want it to burn brightly.

I hope and pray that my children will be warmed around it, as they journey through this often cold life. I pray too that one day they will gladly light their own home fire, lit from the warming and sustaining flames of the love they have felt from their parents, and from God.