It is so easy to get caught up in apocalyptic fever.
For two thousand years souls have been yearning for His return.
We have been waiting for Him to reveal the true glory of God which lies behind all things, putting in their rightful place the arrogance, pride and vanities of men. We want to see the heavens open, revealing to us what we knew deep in our hearts…that there is a God who created all things, and who has asked us only to love Him and our neighbour as we love ourselves.
We want to go home…
I have to be honest, I feel this yearning daily, sometimes minute by minute. I often feel a dreadful pain of separation in that I cannot see Jesus or Mary or the choirs of angels surrounding the heavenly throne.
I can feel them and I know they speak to me… but I want to hold their hands, walk with them through paradise, look into the unfathomable kindness of their eyes and feel that my soul has found its eternal rest.
I look around me and see such anger, hatred and ignorance made manifest in countless acts of aggression and violence, both physical and emotional. The earth itself is not silent, it speaks in rumblings and quakes and in fire and water.
Some would say that we are living in quite remarkable times. Indeed one has only to read the messages from the many visionaries and seers to believe that something is afoot.
However my consumption of all these apocalyptic tales has only brought me back to that same feeling. The only one that gives me peace.
I read about warnings and chastisements and the need to be ready…but then I put down the book or switch off the power, I close my eyes and rest my rather worried head on His chest, near to His Sacred Heart. I feel His hand around mine and I ask Him to forgive me and hold me like that forever. I feel His peace flooding through my soul, it is blissful.
I suppose I am saying that I just trust Him to look after me, because I know that I am really just a foolish repentant sinner who understands so little and who makes so many mistakes… but, who earnestly and desperately wants to be good and worthy. I have told Him that I can’t do anything without Him, not even breathe… so I want Him to walk with me everywhere, as I take the kids to school or as I nip around the supermarket. I fail in everything without the light of His goodness to guide me.
My God is full of mercy and I am learning to trust in His merciful Love.
I once felt that heaven spoke to me and gave me a sign…yes me, a sign! I remember my heart speaking to God and asking Him in anguish what would happen. It seemed that evil would destroy us all, eating away at our souls and whisking us all away to hell, before we even realised what had happened. I wanted God to assure me that He was there and would make it all right. I was driving down a country lane near where I live and could see something lying in the road. As I got closer I could see that it was a snake!
I live in England, on a farm- we rarely, if ever see snakes. This is a green and pleasant land and the only wildlife one is most likely to see would be a blackbird, a robin red breast, an earthworm or maybe a poodle!
I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing, so I got out of my car and cautiously yet curiously walked toward it. As I got closer I realised that my anguished prayer had been answered… as the head of the serpent had been crushed! Evil would be destroyed!
At that moment I knew that whatever might happen in the world… the wars, murders and earthquakes…that the final and absolute triumph would belong to the God of Love! I had to trust in this!
So for this year I am going to trust and rest in my Lord, striving to do as he teaches in the Bible…loving Him and my neighbour, seeking always to be humble, kind and good.