Praise God! The test results have come back negative! I do not have Cushing’s disease or any other disease! Oh, it feels so good to not worry about that any more. If a person wants to see how much they trust God, they just need to go through something like this. It really tests your faith. I worried – gave it to God, – took the worry back – gave it to God. And He patiently blessed me.

The doctors have decided that this hump on my back is just a ‘fatty tumor’ and it needs to be surgically removed. It keeps growing and is now 6 inches long from shoulder to shoulder and 4 inches wide down my back. It will be ‘out-patient’ surgery, but the surgeon will admit me to the hospital if there is even the slightest concern. The date of the surgery is February 10th and as always, your prayers on that day will help me get through it.

The funny thing is that when each of my 3 doctors saw my hump, they all said exactly the same thing – “What did you do?” Well, since it is located on my back, there isn’t anything I could have done to myself.

Until the surgery, I thought I would work out every single day. For one thing, it will be great for the nerves. Alas, I have only been on the treadmill once (at home). Where is my self-discipline? Why am I not at the gym I love so much? Shouldn’t I have cabin fever or something to get me out of the house? I will do my best to get out tomorrow so I can write that I have done some exercise. If I write it I had better do it or have a good excuse why I didn’t. I have to be true to myself and I don’t want to disappoint anyone reading this blog.

I have not totally wasted this time. I have listened to Matthew Kelly’s ‘Being-The-Best-Version-of-Yourself’ CD and read ‘Rediscover Catholicism’. I highly recommend both of these to everyone. They are fairly inexpensive and you can find them at www.matthewkelly.org. There are LOTS of great books to help you discover God’s purpose for your life and to motivate you to be your best for God. If you like what Mr. Kelly writes and records, perhaps you can ask your pastor to purchase a large quantity for the parish so the price will be more affordable for everyone.

In the meantime, I have developed some good habits (Mr. Kelly suggests developing 5 good habits a year). One of his suggestions is to begin reading the Bible. Really reading it. I did some research and found the daily Mass readings on the web at http://www.easterbrooks.com/personal/calendar/weekly. When you get to this website, you can sign up for the daily Mass readings to be sent to your email address every day.

I also receive “Our Daily Bread” booklet in the mail, which has a story with a moral for each day and a note on the side stating the chapter to read to get through the entire Bible in one year.

Presently I am reading Leviticus. This Old Testament book describes how to offer up holocausts and sin offerings to Yahweh. God patiently describes each step to Moses, from how to cut the animal to how to place the meat on the altar for the sacrifice. It is really interesting how God taught the Israelites how to cook the food and which food they must not eat (which would not be good for them). I confess that when I first read the passages, it sounded just like a Bar-B-Queue and maybe that is where we first learned to cook meat over fire! God also said that the aroma of the meat offerings is pleasing to Him!

Another habit I have developed is counting calories. I have created an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of every single thing I eat, and how many calories it contains. [An ordinary notebook will do just as well].

Since my diet consists of the same thing for breakfast and lunch each day, all I have to do is cut and paste the information into the new day. I found a web site for counting calories at: http://caloriecount.about.com

I’ve included my daily Bible readings in the worksheet. I type the chapter and verse and then write something short next to the reading to make sure I understand what I’ve read. When I don’t understand it, I just copy and paste the most important part of the reading on to the worksheet. When I start my Bible Study at church, I will have my questions ready.

There are so many other habits I want to develop, but I want to concentrate on these two. It is no accident that I picked ones that help the body and the soul. To me, they form the basis of all the other habits.

The first one is helping me lose weight. The second one is making me think about God in a whole new way. While reading the Bible I see examples that God has always been with us. For example, while the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they had to have a cloud (God) to lead them every day for 40 years – I think it would be great to have that cloud in front of us during these turbulent times too. On second thought, I see we DO have God in front of us every day – in the form of the Blessed Sacrament in the tabernacles of our churches or in the monstrance at Eucharistic Adoration. We just need to take time to go visit Him there. He will lead us too if we ask.

Today I saw my doctor – the specialist (endocrinologist). He doubts I have Cushing’s syndrome as I do not have the tell-tale purple stretch marks on my abdomen that identifies Cushing’s. However, I need the results of two lab tests to come back to be sure. He diagnosed that I have a large fatty tumor at the back of my neck that needs to be removed and has scheduled me to see a surgeon on Jan. 23rd.

I feel like I have been given a reprieve. It feels so good to not have this hanging over my head. I was so convinced I had the disease. I didn’t know someone could have this big hump and have it not be something more than a fatty tumor. The pictures for Cushing’s looks just like what I have. I know the results are not final, but the doctor was optomistic and now, so am I.

I realize now that this has been weighing on me and my husband constantly. Now I feel like a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. Actually it will when the surgeon removes the tumor from my neck. All will be well once the lab work comes back negative. If it comes back positive, I am ready for Step 2 and more prayers.

If my husband does not need my car tomorrow, I will go to the gym and begin to seriously work out again. I have gained 10 lbs. (4.55 kilos) in the last 2 months. When I was diagnosed by my primary care physician with Cushing’s, I just stopped going to the gym. I did not feel like going anything. Although I am taking in about 1200 calories a day, I have to work off the fat. If I can’t get to the gym, I will work out at home, which is actually a more challenging exercise routine.

All through this waiting period, I have felt the prayers of many people holding me up. When the doctor first told me his doubts, I felt these prayers being answered in the examination room. I know God is with me, but at times, I just can’t believe something good is going to replace the ‘bad’ I have in my mind. I can walk with my cross, but I am utterly amazed when the cross is lifted from my shoulders for a while. I have to learn to trust that there can be bad and GOOD potential outcomes. I am so blessed to be given this faith, this God, this trust. Remind me to read this if the tests come back positive. God’s Peace to You.

The symptoms of Cushing’s disease are increasing and so is my anxiety. This situation has become a distraction to me and all my good intentions of working out each day have gone to the wayside. I have no discipline now – I am just living each day as a day closer to my doctor’s appointment. Nothing is more important to me at this time. How sad is that?

God has come to my rescue once more. He has put another book in my hands that is inspiring me to become a ‘better-version-of-myself’. This is the encouragement I need and way out of the tunnel vision of self-pity.

This book is “Re-Discover Catholicism, A Spiritual Guide to Living with Passion and Purpose” by Matthew Kelly. I bought this book in the spring of last year. When I tried to read it, the font type was too small that I just put it in my bookcase to read ‘later’. Then a fellow parishioner purchased enough books for the entire parish to read. During the Christmas Masses, our pastor distributed the book to everyone in the pews. I took that as I sign that I had better find a way to read it. I purchased some extra strength reading glasses and after the first chapter, I was hooked. This book is now available for eReaders making it easier to adjust the font size.

Mr. Kelly is a brilliant author and since his teenage years has spent most of his time studying and speaking about the Catholic faith while attending business school. Besides his profession as a management consultant and an internationally acclaimed speaker, he has written at least 10 books – most of which have the recurrant theme of how to become ‘the-best-version-of-yourself’. What a unique idea!

There is a lot of great information in this book; but what really touched me was the chapter on discipline called ‘In Search of Excellence’. One example he used was himself as a writer. He explained that writing a book is just plain hard work. (So is writing a blog!) He said that a writer must write every single day, no matter how they feel or what is going on in his/her life. His point is: to achieve excellence, one must practice every single day.

Another example he gave was Michael Jordan. When Michael was in high school, he was not an outstanding basketball player. Can you imagine this? The coach said his problem was that his foul shots were off. So he practiced until he made 500 foul shots a day. He would not go home and to bed until he made his 500th foul shot. What deligence!

Other examples include the saints. They had a focus – a singleness of purpose as they tried to align their goals with the will of God. We have modern saints that show us that it takes discipline and dedication to reach a goal – including Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II. In reading the stories of their lives, we will find how they and the other saints struggled and overcame the obstacles to holiness and excellence.

With all this wonderful information at my fingertips, I had to consider: what is my goal, my purpose? What good habits do I have or need to cultivate? If I want to become ‘the-best-version-of-myself’, how can I develop the discipline I need to achieve it?

What is my mission? How do I find out if I am doing God’s Will? According to Mr. Kelly, it all starts with a prayer. The only way to know what God’s mission for me is to ask Him. I may not receive an immediate answer but by praying consistantly, my prayer may slowly become a conversation and then a dialogue with God. I may not even get the full picture; just tiny hints and nudges to get me started. Eventually I am sure I will reach a certainty of purpose.

What I have learned is that whether I am sick or healthy, God will find a way to use my talents for His Glory. I cannot put off my quest for spiritual excellence because I just don’t feel good. Every day is a new opportunity for me to become a better prayer warrior, a better listener to God’s inspirations and a better sister to my family in Christ. This happens because when I am sick, He has my undivided attention – that is if I am not focused in feeling sorry for myself.

So no matter how I feel, I will lift my face to the Lord and ask Him to direct my life – and I will schedule it as one of the first things I do each day. I believe it will also change how I view and respond to the stresses of each day. If I want to be the best I can be; I have to practice – every day. While my focus is on God, it is not on my trials. I want to embrace this new life and become the ‘best-version-of-Ginger’.

My new attitude is this – even if I have a headache – go to  the gym three times a week. I’m going to have the headache anyway, why not burn some fat while having it? I can always take something for the pain after I get home and let it put me to sleep for a while.

I had a great work out yesterday. I am averaging 45 minutes, using some – but not all the machines. They are so easy to use that it is a pleasure to let the machine help me stretch or build muscle.  I love the treadmill and bike but the other machines are great too.  I set the weight to ‘0’ and it seems to be heavy enough for me. I have noticed a big difference already. The saggy part of my upper arms – gone!  I am walking taller and straighter and I feel so much better. Sore? You bet. Worth it? You bet!

I took my sister with me to Planet Fitness.  She is eight years older than I. I wasn’t sure she would like it – she loves it!  She has been super fit many years of her life and wants to be fit again. She will give me that extra boost to get me to the gym when I need one.

I am reading a wonderful book called ‘Unbound’, by Neal Lozano. It is “A Practical Guide to Deliverance”. He is a compassionate man with many gifts of the Holy Spirit. He illustrates how we can be carrying so much pain; we may not even realize it. I am just halfway through the book and have written pages and pages in my journal of fears I have kept inside me. Neal tells you how to find them and get rid of anything that stands between you and a glorious relationship with God.

Deliverance is a very small part of inner healing, but it is very important to recognize that Satan is doing all he can to confuse and discourage you. According to Neal, God wants to show you how much He loves you. In his book he describes how to reach out to God for a healing for yourself and others.  This is another way to have ‘HolyHealth’ – a way that I need to learn more about.

Just for Today
by Pauline Phillips

Just for Today

I will live through this day only.
I will not brood about yesterday
or obsess about tomorrow.
I will not set far reaching goals
or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours
that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for Today

I will be happy.
I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me.
If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away
and fill it with sunshine.

Just for Today

I will accept what is.
I will face reality.
I will correct those things that I can correct
and accept those I cannot.

Just for Today

I will improve my mind.
I will read something that requires
effort, thought and concentration.
I will not be a mental loafer.

Just for Today

I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable.
I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path
and I’ll not speak ill of others.
I will improve my appearance.
I will speak softly and not interrupt when
someone else is talking.
Just for today,
I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

Just for Today

I will do something positive to improve my health.
If I’m a smoker, I’ll quit.
If I am over-weight, I will eat healthfully, if only for today.
And not only that,
I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk
even if it is only around the block.

Just for Today

I will gather the courage to do what is right
and take the responsibility for my own actions.