Today I realized that when we cry, God cries with us, and is present through our suffering. This morning I attempted a semblance of a ‘normal’ workout, after being sidelined for 2 weeks with a back injury. God has humbled me, because I am now as weak as a kitten. I can’t pedal a stationery bike without back pain, can’t walk slowly on a treadmill for more than 5 minutes, and even standard stretches were excruciatingly painful. As I left the gym, I cried in frustration, and I felt afraid that I would be permanently disabled.
I switched on the radio, and what did I hear? A priest was speaking on reconciliation, and how many,many people end up crying during confession. He says the tears are usually tears of contrition, tears that say we know that sinning was our fault. A light bulb went off in my head, and I realized I was crying because I had taken all those years of good back health for granted. I had not exercised as hard as I should, to strengthen myself, which I desperately needed after other spinal injuries. Was my pain my fault entirely? No, but my own negligence had likely exacerbated the weakness in my spine, leading to this episode. Now I will just have to do what I can and leave the rest to God. Whether I recover, or retain my weakness and pain is up to Him, but I know I won’t suffer alone. Jesus holds the entire human race in His heavenly hands and loves us all through our pain and our trials. He so desires a “oneness” with us. Maybe it takes a bad injury for somebody like me to look up and say, “Hey, Lord, What are you gonna do with me?” or “What gives, Lord?” but if God ordains my suffering as something that will benefit my soul then bring it on. Yes, I’m a big cry-baby sometimes, but it’s a great comfort knowing that one day Jesus will dry my tears.