Have been away for awhile due to health issues, and by God’s grace I am now back. I have so much to catch up on!
First, I have started with a spiritual director from Opus Dei, recommended by another woman from the Confraternity of Christian Mothers community, that I also am a member.
I had a wonderful spiritual director in Fr. Ed Dougherty; however, he sadly (for me)passed away on April 14, 2011. What a loss for this world, and the people he touched. On the other hand, a wonderful blessing, because I know he is praying for every single person who has ever touched his life. Including me, my husband, and my children. Praise God! Fr. Ed brought much healing into my life, so much that I have been blessed with an expansion of my heart, for love, and forgiveness. Don’t get me wrong, I still blow it. Nonetheless, due to Fr. Ed’s constant love, forgiveness, and teachings, he has brought me to another level of my spiritual life, I am so very thankful for God allowing that blessing upon me, thank you Lord!
After Fr. Ed died, I floundered. I knew what I was supposed to do, just wasn’t pulling it off………of course, to my perfection vs leaving that to God and his deciding how well I was handling it. Of course, what happens when we try to be perfect? Well besides that being a breeding ground of pride and vanity, our attempt in “perfection” becomes immobilization. Immobilization then breeds another whole issue where we begin to lose the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, such as: knowledge, fortitude, understanding, piety, counsel, wisdom, and lastly fear of the Lord. Not that you don’t still see his mighty wonders and works, and miracles, you do! You may not see them as quickly though, or as brightly, or you may not give credit to God at all (back to pride and vanity). I wasn’t even pulling off confession and reconciliation to “my liking”, jeez, can one get any more prideful?
During this time, always in the back of my mind, was my plead to Jesus to please send me another strong spiritual director.
In between life goes on, then I became ill. Didn’t like it, at ALL. Even did that in a lousy way! I was offering it up, but, was I offering it up well enough? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, pride and vanity……….what stinky feelings they are, especially when you have that nagging inside of you, and yet…………………………yet, you still go there, especially when you’re farther away from God.
Then something happened……..Rick Santorum stepped up and said “I’m running for President for the life of my daughter Bella”. I’ve always liked Rick Santorum, and by his words something began to resound within me. My faith? God? The Holy Spirit? Fr. Ed? I’m sure all of the above. Hills and valleys happened with my life, just as they did with Rick Santorum, and he never stopped praising God, for the good days and the not so good. What about me? Was I? I believed I was, or was I kidding myself, and living a sterile life. Leaving God out of my life? Saying the right words, but, truly living them? What was going on? I did not know any longer.
I cried out to my prayer warrior friends, for without them, I knew I would not survive. While they were lifting me up and holding me up to God. I clung to the beautiful blueberry wood crucifix, and the beautiful blue rosaries Dani made me, while I laid in bed asking Jesus to put my illness in his wounds and hide me.
Then as I slowly began to improve, I noticed a lightening of my heart, the need to hug my children every chance I had. I was smiling again. I was beginning to see and feel God everywhere, colors were getting brighter. Just at that time I connected with the Confraternity of Christian Mothers, woman, who suggested the spiritual director from Opus Dei. I was thrilled. That week on “Women of Grace” with Johnette Benkovich on EWTN was a mom and daughter team who live the meaning of Opus Dei, and I watched with amazement at some of the things that I could be doing for my family, to sanctify us as a family, and as extra prayers for them.
Over the past few years, I have slowly become interested in Opus Dei, and 1, 2, 3, wow! I’m there! God is funny that way, with me. Just in talking I will say, “you know Lord, I would like to do this one day, or go here one day, what do you think?”. I never put a timeline down, just a mention and then figure if God believes it is correct for me, He will make it happen. I also ask Blessed Mother what she thinks, and I’ll leave it in her hands to intercede if she believes it will be beneficial to me, my marriage, and my family.
By God’s beautiful grace, I am now getting back on my feet. I am working hard, at listening to the “knock, knocks” and making sure I’m answering. I’m also trusting in God that he will lead each moment of my life. I am not perfect, never have been, never will be, I will leave that all to God, and accept this beautiful gift of life he has given me.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Happy Belated Mother’s Day to my readers! It was also the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima, which blew me away, what a blessing for all of us women. Then I come to find out, it is Bella Santorum’s fourth birthday! She was born on the Feast Day of Our Lady of Fatima, and it all clicked for me!
Bella was not supposed to live beyond her first year of life, and she has, what a blessing! Bella was born in 2008, the same year of one of the most life changing elections in my lifetime, and in her father’s lifetime. I believe Bella is a victim soul for her father, and to urge him, and others (such as myself), NOT TO LIVE A STERILE LIFE, which he hasn’t! I also believe Bella Santorum is a victim soul for the USA. There are a lot of if, ands, and buts, I could place in this paragraph, I won’t.
Bella Santorum was born on May 13, 2008 on the Feast Day of Our Lady of Fatima for a very special mission, and I believe she is beginning or did fulfill that mission. Little Bella is a chosen child of God who will be highly honored in heaven. Starting at birth, and even going through all she has medically, and then the campaign trail, Bella Santorum has NEVER LIVED A STERILE LIFE!.
She has been an inspiration for many, me included!
That is why today, when I saw the words of St. Josemaria Escriva, “don’t let your life be sterile”. I decided to start, right at this moment!
Happy St. Matthias’ feast day!