Lately I have found myself craving silence, but silence eludes me.  While I sat reading evening prayers tonight, a testy teenager under my roof asked me, “What if I just use the bathroom at McDonalds, then will I have to pay for my own toilet paper?”  Random, constant, sometimes bizarre interruptions to my prayer time are common occurrences.

Setting aside time for prayer doesn’t necessarily mean I will actually get to spend that time praying.  As a wife and the mother of a house-full of kids, homeschooling and providing foster care, the only thing predictable about my days is that they are unpredictable.  Sometimes there are nine or more at the dinner table (with two in high chairs) and sometimes I serve three sittings over the course of a few hours due to evening athletics, activities and my husband’s shifting work schedule.  Of myself I could not manage the various active duties I have willingly assumed, but by and with God’s grace I am able to continue in His service one day at a time.

Prayer is an essential part of my day, as is daily Mass and frequent confession.  I recently switched my morning and evening prayer to the Liturgy of the Hours, with the Office of Readings.  Having used the Magnificat as my daily prayer tool for years, the style is similar, but praying with the Breviary is more in depth, and time consuming.  There are days when the Word of God penetrates and my prayer time feels fruitful; and there are days when my brain lags as if over mere words rather than The Word.

Certainly, the times when I am able to pray without interruption “feel” better, and seem to allow me to draw closer to God.  I trust that it is pleasing to God that I should place a very high priority on my prayer life, on intentionally growing closer to Him. And yet, in the Book of Her Foundations, St. Teresa of Avila warns against a soul being so absorbed in the comforts of quiet prayer that it avoids the work which is its duty to perform out of obedience.

It would be a distressing thing if God were clearly telling us to go after something that matters to Him and we would not want to do so but want to remain looking at him because that is more pleasing to us. (p.65)

For most of us, the duties required by virtue of our vocation can at times seem endless.  St Teresa assures us that our works of love, even though they may pull us away from cherished prayer time, will provide a pathway to draw us closer to God.

Know that if it is in the kitchen, the Lord walks among the pots and pans helping you both interiorly and exteriorly.  (p.67)

Understanding that interruptions in my prayer time can often be invitations by God to enter more deeply into His service guards against being resentful at being disturbed.   My ‘subtle self-love’ as St. Teresa calls it, sometimes wishes I could avoid all calls to active duty when I am engaged in prayer time and simply rest with God.  But God’s special assignments for me may come at seemingly inopportune moments.  Unless I am ready and willing to obey His call, my prayers are just words.

Foley, Marc.  St. Teresa of Avila: The Book of Her Foundations Washington, DC: ICS Publications, 2011. Print.

Trouble starts brewing for my self discipline when Starbucks launches its winter menu featuring the irresistable eggnog latte.  I spotted the red decorated cups recently and sensed an impending cave to the craving. Sure enough, within minutes I splurged and sipped a delicious double tall extra hot eggnog coffee (no sprinkles).

My temp-o-meter now hovers in the red zone, taunting me to indulge my seasonal coffee weakness to the tune of almost $5 per cup.  Although many times I do manage to escape the alluring call of sugar and caffeine, too often I simply give in and spoil myself.  Not that there’s anything evil about an occasional splurge on a sweet treat.  Rather, in my ongoing effort to grow in personal holiness, I strive for an increase in self discipline, and so learning to resist temptation plays an important role in my spiritual life.  

I recognize my own temporal weakness when I acknowledge the way eggnog lattes (or other pleasures) clamor for, and win my attention and immediate action.  In contrast, how often and how easily I overlook or ignore the quiet whisper of God calling me to prayer or sacrifice. When God asks for my undivided attention, I don’t crave Him as I should.  I see how much more difficult it is for me to hear and answer the call of God than to give in to my (constant) temporal wants.

The ‘demands’ of our bodies can so easily out-shout God’s sweet invitations. We desire rest and ease; we avoid toils and fasts. Our continual pursuit of pleasure, entertainment, and comfort gives us a sense of being filled, but these are really only empty calories compared with the delights of knowing God and drawing near to Him.

Someday I hope to have the abandon expressed in Psalm 63:

O God, you are my God whom I seek;
for you my flesh pines and my soul thirsts
like the earth, parched, lifeless and without water.

Within absence and emptiness (as to one alone in the desert), our Lord’s invitation to intimacy comes through much more clearly.  And yet how often do we spoil ourselves in worldly ways and effectively mute God’s call? When we’re fat and happy in the flesh, we are not as likely to be in tune to the voice of God.  Of course Almighty God can still work in us and through us even when we are not masters of self-discipline, but we are much easier to work with when we are free for Him.  

Learning to say no to simple pleasures in this life can help us long for much greater pleasures in the life to come, provided we fill the void with love of God and earnestly seek him with reckless abandon.  

Every delight is nothing compared to a delight of God. (cf. Wis 7:14)

Our thirteen year old son has very few Catholic friends.  In fact his two favorite friends, both from very good Christian homes, are not yet baptized.  In each case the boys are on their own to decide if/when to seek baptism.  In both traditions, a public testimony at baptism may also be required.  Perhaps their delay in seeking baptism is based on a fear of public speaking?  My son prays for these special friends often, asking that they will someday choose baptism.  We are blessed to have each of them and their families in our lives and hope that our Catholic Christian witness bears fruit that will last.

Our children were given the gift of baptism in infancy, as we by our parents; they by theirs.  What a tremendous grace to have received the indelible mark of baptism upon our souls and a new life in Christ as a cooperative gift from those who gave us life: our Creator together with our parents, whose love for each other created us. They who named us, who so tenderly protected us beginning with our first helpless moments of life also claimed us for Christ.  Our parents guarded our little souls and brought us to the waters of baptism for purification and a new birth in the Holy Spirit!  For this most tremendous gift, and for raising me in faith, I thank you and praise God for you, Mom and Dad!

Just as our parents encouraged us to seek the sacrament of confirmation, so we also must stir our teens to discern their readiness for this important rite of initiation.  In their teenage years (the normal age for reception of confirmation in our diocese) our children have the amazing opportunity to choose fortification for their souls by receiving the Holy Spirit in confirmation.  Our role as parents is to assist them in discerning their readiness and willingness to receive the sacrament, and to ensure that they are properly catechized and prepared.

Teaching our children to discern rightly is one of the greatest tools we can offer them.  Our time serving our kids as their guidance counselors is limited, and as they mature, the decisions they make have greater and greater consequences.  The gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit at confirmation become solid armor for the battle of life in this world, and impart upon us ~within us~ a permanent, perfect guidance counselor.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God…If children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ.  Rom 8:14,17

Learning to turn toward God for guidance, and to seek His input in our lives takes practice.  Unless we ourselves take the time to discern, and to develop and deepen our prayer life, we won’t have much to offer our kids in terms of ‘how to discern’ or ‘how to pray’.  Practice makes perfect, or at least brings us closer to perfection; and the grace received in the sacraments paves the path.

Work at your tasks in due season, and in his own time God will give you your reward. Sir 51:30

“I figured you made them that way on purpose…to look artistic.”  My husband complimenting my creative flair as he studied the bizarre-shaped bars of homemade soap nearly melted my heart.  No, they were not made to look artistic~rather the two batches were damaged goods.  Instead of nice Colorado or Wyoming shaped bars, we had over 60 soaps resembling Louisiana, Florida and Idaho, as well as assorted Hawaiian Islands.

What went wrong? I followed my favorite soap recipe exactly: weighed the ingredients to the tenth of an ounce; combined the oil mixture and the lye solution when both were at exactly 80 degrees.  I consulted the “Diagnosing Signs of Trouble” chapter in the soap book and found ‘cracks in soap’ in the ‘trouble sign’ column.  The ‘reason why’ revealed the probable cause: too much stirring, more like beating or whipping.  And under ‘what to do,’ I found that although these odd shaped bars are not aesthetically pleasing, they are not harmful for humans or dangerous to use.  I had rushed the stirring process by using a new electric handheld mixer rather than simply using the exhausting stir-briskly-by-hand for 40 minutes method.  My short cut proved nearly disastrous, but thankfully the bars would still be usable.

Sometimes I wish we had a “Diagnosing Signs of Trouble” chart for the problems in our family life.  When we seem all rough around the edges and ready to fall apart, it would be nice to consult a set of ‘how-to’ instructions. Prayer and discernment take time, and I often want an immediate solution (a short cut) to put a quick fix on the problem at hand.  But a band aid can’t stop a gaping wound, and a quick fix won’t solve most of our family problems.

Through prayer and discernment, we find that the root of many problems or ‘trouble signs’ in our family life can be traced back to rapid stirring.  We get so busy with activities, events, deadlines and schedules to ever find time to settle down.  If we aren’t settled, that means we are unsettled, and the manifesting result is chaos in our home and division between members of our family~and it doesn’t look pretty.

Praying a family Rosary definitely falls under ‘what to do’ in times of family stress.  Taking time out to meditate on the Gospel mysteries, profess our faith, and turn to our Blessed Mother Mary always brings grace into our home and begins to repair cracks in our relationships.  Ideally, we would pray a family Rosary together every day.  This is one of our stated goals, and something we strive toward.  Although we don’t do it perfectly, and not often enough, there is real power in praying the Rosary and our family benefits greatly every time we settle down and pray it together.  

Our Lady of the Rosary, Pray for us!