Yesterday, my 17 year old son shaved his face and cut his hair for the first time in months.  The transformation was dramatic and complete:  from a wild looking thuggish character to a clean-cut youthful cherub, his before and after images are as different as a mug shot and a holy card.   A similar image overwrite happens to my soul, and yours, each time we are shaved clean of sin by the grace of God in the sacrament of confession. Only on the outside we still look the same.

Zachary’s hair and beard grew wild as his varsity swim season progressed, the chlorine damaging his hair so that it refused to be tamed by any amount of combing or conditioning.  So do our souls grow dimmer, darker, and wilder in the weeks, months or (God forbid) years that we stay away from the confessional.  It becomes harder to see clearly as the hair of sin hinders our vision, and we find ourselves generally uncomfortable and ill-at-ease with the itchy scratchy growth attaching to us as the sins pile up.  Disordered thoughts, desires and actions have their way with us, and our attempts to groom or tame these are short-lived and not very effective.  On the outside we may look the same, but inner darkness reigns.

With total freedom only a few steps away in sacramental confession, what could possibly keep us from coming clean?  Certainly, some are afraid, others are kept back by pride, for some it’s simply laziness or laxity in the spiritual life; but many are ignorant of the commands (precepts) of our Church regarding sacramental confession.  I myself let years pass between my confessions during certain stages of my life, unaware that not only was I missing out on the tremendous graces of confession, but that I was living in total disobedience to the teachings of my Church.

Our Holy Catholic Church, in her wisdom, outlines for us, her faithful children, five basic obligations or precepts to guide us toward holiness and eternal life.  According to these precepts, the sacrament of confession is not optional, but a must for us our journey toward heaven.  The Precepts of the Church (below) are not multiple choice, they are THE five positively stated principles handed down to us by the magisterium (from Christ, through the apostles) as a ‘bare minimum’ for our sanctification.

Precept number two requires that we confess our sins at least once a year.   Like a loving parent requiring an adolescent son to shower (and change socks) for the sake of cleanliness in the family home, the Church requires us to get clean in confession so that we may worthily receive Christ in the Eucharist.  Our venial sins are forgiven in the Mass, preparing us for our reception of Jesus in Holy Communion.  But our mortal sins are only forgiven through sacramental confession, and to approach Holy Communion, to receive Jesus, in a state of mortal sin is itself a grave (mortal) offense against God.  How I wish I had known this Catholic teaching during those years when I scarcely considered confession and yet regularly came forward to receive Holy Communion.

I pray that many souls will be moved to return to confession who have been away too long, or will come soon if confession has been put off.  Make a fresh start on life, give your soul a breath of fresh air, meet Christ in confession!

II. THE PRECEPTS OF THE CHURCH

2041 The precepts of the Church are set in the context of a moral life bound to and nourished by liturgical life. The obligatory character of these positive laws decreed by the pastoral authorities is meant to guarantee to the faithful the very necessary minimum in the spirit of prayer and moral effort, in the growth in love of God and neighbor:

 

2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.

 

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.

 

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy.

 

2043 The fourth precept (“You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church”) ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts and help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.

 

The fifth precept (“You shall help to provide for the needs of the Church”) means that the faithful are obliged to assist with the material needs of the Church, each according to his own ability.

 

The faithful also have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his own abilities.

 

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

 

It might sound crazy, but I’m praising God that our home computer was destroyed.  Well, not that it was destroyed per se, but that in His mercy God allowed us to know the true cause of the total crash.  The techie who rebuilt the machine was able to pinpoint the source of the terrible virus which infiltrated our PC, as well as the precise time at which the system was infected.

Thank God we were not home when the virus attacked.  We had travelled to another city for the baptism of our dear friends’ son.  As a result, no one in our family came under false suspicion.  No one had to be interrogated or questioned or put on the defense.  There was only one person on the suspect list; only one person with access to the computer (though thoroughly lacking our permission to use it).

In our short absence, we had trusted our home and pets to someone we love, someone we thought we could count on; someone who knew the rules of the house and had agreed to follow them.  Instead, he was tempted to transgress, and gave in to the temptation.  He simply lacked the self-control to avoid forbidden fruit.  His sinful choice led to the complete destruction of our PC and subsequent severe damaged to our relationship.

Relatively speaking, the computer’s hard drive (already rebuilt) won’t suffer the kind of long-term damage that viewing sinful images causes the human mind and soul.  The young man who defied our rules and breached our trust needs our prayers for a full recovery from the vice; for freedom from that deadly demon.  We pray that he will be set free from the type of dishonest and sneaky behavior that led to the crash.  Unfortunately, he may not choose healing and might continue to engage in sins that may lead to the death of his soul.   Thus far he has shown no remorse, and offered no apology.  In short, he seems unaffected by the suffering, inconvenience and expense his behavior caused us.

Learning from our mistakes, we have since put a password on the machine, updated our anti-virus software and restricted the guilty party from being left alone in our home ever again.  Our relationship with him has changed, not ended.  As such, we have been given a new spiritual challenge:  learning to be in the presence of someone who willfully and unapologetically betrayed our trust while showing him loving kindness and living virtues.  This has not proven to be an easy task, to say the least.

I gain strength and perseverance in this trial by simply remembering our Lord in His endless mercy, His love for sinners and His willingness to be in their presence and serve them despite their vices and miseries.  I have found comfort in reflecting upon the Last Supper, our Lord dining with Judas, fully knowing and accepting his role as the betrayer yet loving him as one of His own at table.  What tremendous love!  What unspeakable compassion!  I pray that I may be blessed to receive a small dose of such perfect love and that I may in turn shower it upon someone at my table without regard for whether he is deserving of it or grateful for it.

May I always remember first and foremost my own unworthiness and sinfulness, and remain free from vindictive impulses against those who have hurt me.

“Lord, make me a channel of your peace…”

My mother in law always asks us for a Christmas wish list, usually due no later than Thanksgiving weekend.  Her Christmas shopping begins in earnest after she’s received our wishes and determined which gifts will bring the most joy (within a given price range).  Sometimes the wish list is a starting point and she chooses different gifts from a similar thread yet which as officially un-wished-for come as a complete surprise to the recipient.

If you’ve ever gone to great lengths to prepare a wish list or registry for some gift-getting occasion (a birthday, Christmas, wedding, etc.) you may remember silently suffering when the gift opening ended without the appearance of the particularly wished-for item.  This same pain in not receiving a desired object can also plague our spiritual life when we have spent hours, days, or perhaps years in prayer begging God for some particular grace, conversion, gift or healing without it being made manifest.

But God loves to listen to our wish lists!  We must remember that these prayer requests are not ‘get lists’ the same way our wish lists for Christmas don’t guarantee the items will appear under the tree.  In a certain way, our longing or wishing prayers to God become our constant prayer, ever on our lips (burning in our hearts).   St. Augustine wrote “…if you wish to pray without ceasing, do not cease to desire” (Office of Readings, p. 303).  The deepest desires of our heart (known already by our Almighty God) if given a voice in prayer, allow us to truly pray without ceasing as St. Paul encouraged.

The constancy of you desire will itself be the ceaseless voice of your prayer.  And that voice of your prayer will be silent only when your love ceases.  For who are silent?  Those of whom it is said:  Because evil has abounded, the love of many will grow cold. ~St. Augustine (p.303)

Yes, it can be very difficult to keep desiring something when it seems that God is answering with a great big NO.  But according to St. Augustine, a giving up of our desire or the silencing of our prayer would mean that evil has crept in and our hearts are consequently suffering from frostbite.   Brrr!  That doesn’t sound too appealing, does it?

So keep your deepest wish list handy in your prayer life.  Give voice to the longings and desires of your heart.  Trust in God and know that your prayers will always be answered; appreciate the mystery of HOW and WHEN.  Expect the unexpected, and never stop expecting.

As this Christmas Season draws to a close and we begin to pack up our Christmas treasures, let us not abandon our wishes.  For our deepest longings never go away, not like the desires for material things either forgotten once received, or simply upgraded for newer wishes and wants.  No, our real wish list, the greatest desires of our hearts continue to burn within us day and night.  These desires must not be stifled or set aside and abandoned.  Give them a voice.

The Liturgy of the Hours: According to the Roman Rite. New York: Catholic Book Pub. Co, 1975. Print.

Our holy parish priest introduced us to the Litany of Humility a few years ago in a homily. Father printed home-made prayer cards and distributed them by hand to anyone who wished to learn to pray the litany.  I keep the litany prayer card on my desk, which means that sometimes it gets buried for months under piles of paper.

This litany recently re-entered my prayer life as I began week two in Consecration to Mary: St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion.  Praying the Litany of Humility as part of the spiritual exercises that week, I realized just how drastic and counter cultural a call to humility can be.  A few lines of the litany really speak to me:

 From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

These principles of being forgotten, of letting go of the desire to be honored, and of wanting others to be chosen before me are very far from my natural inclinations, nearly opposite in fact.  But the longer I pray these words, the more often I find myself recognizing what would otherwise be an occasion for hurt feelings, resentment or anger becoming and instance of recognizing God’s grace in my life.  If I’m going to pray for humility, I should be prepared to praise God when my prayers are granted!

Of course, I can’t really sign-up to be forgotten; being forgotten just happens.  How I respond to the gift of being forgotten determines whether I will draw closer to God in a spirit of humility or rage in pride and fall from His side. When these situations do occur, I do have a choice in how I respond, and the choice I make matters in building my relationship with God.

Earlier this month, my husband and I were forgotten on a guest list for a very special banquet.  In years past, we have hosted a table at this event, and we always look forward to an evening out together in support of one of our favorite Catholic charities.  This year my husband would have been presenting a donation at the banquet as the Grand Knight, on behalf of our local Knights of Columbus Council which raises funds to support the charity.  Yet it wasn’t meant to be.  By the time we found out about the banquet, we had already made plans to share a meal with our visiting Goddaughter and her daddy.

At the very instant when I realized that we had been forgotten on the guest list, by the grace of God I recognized it as an answer to my prayer for humility.  Although I was momentarily saddened, I turned my sorrow to praise and lifted up thanks to God for the gift of an answered prayer and for helping to form me in humility.  This is not my natural state!

The banquet planners expressed deep regret upon realizing our names had been dropped from the guest list, and asked us to please consider attending on short notice.  We knew that our plans to spend time with our Goddaughter should come first, and were not tempted to cancel.  I let them know that in praying the Litany for Humility I had recognized the whole incident as a gift from God, and assured them that we were not nursing a grudge or harboring anger.  We will continue to support the charity financially and by our prayers and support.

In sharing this experience, I wish to re-emphasize that of myself, my reaction to being forgotten, overlooked or not chosen would not be holy (to say the least).  My natural inclination is to give in to self-pity and irritability, and maybe even lash out in response to these sufferings.  But by the grace of God, the fruits of praying the Litany of Humility allowed me (and my husband) to walk through a difficult moment without distancing ourselves from God by our own selfish inclinations.  Prayer works!

Lately I have found myself craving silence, but silence eludes me.  While I sat reading evening prayers tonight, a testy teenager under my roof asked me, “What if I just use the bathroom at McDonalds, then will I have to pay for my own toilet paper?”  Random, constant, sometimes bizarre interruptions to my prayer time are common occurrences.

Setting aside time for prayer doesn’t necessarily mean I will actually get to spend that time praying.  As a wife and the mother of a house-full of kids, homeschooling and providing foster care, the only thing predictable about my days is that they are unpredictable.  Sometimes there are nine or more at the dinner table (with two in high chairs) and sometimes I serve three sittings over the course of a few hours due to evening athletics, activities and my husband’s shifting work schedule.  Of myself I could not manage the various active duties I have willingly assumed, but by and with God’s grace I am able to continue in His service one day at a time.

Prayer is an essential part of my day, as is daily Mass and frequent confession.  I recently switched my morning and evening prayer to the Liturgy of the Hours, with the Office of Readings.  Having used the Magnificat as my daily prayer tool for years, the style is similar, but praying with the Breviary is more in depth, and time consuming.  There are days when the Word of God penetrates and my prayer time feels fruitful; and there are days when my brain lags as if over mere words rather than The Word.

Certainly, the times when I am able to pray without interruption “feel” better, and seem to allow me to draw closer to God.  I trust that it is pleasing to God that I should place a very high priority on my prayer life, on intentionally growing closer to Him. And yet, in the Book of Her Foundations, St. Teresa of Avila warns against a soul being so absorbed in the comforts of quiet prayer that it avoids the work which is its duty to perform out of obedience.

It would be a distressing thing if God were clearly telling us to go after something that matters to Him and we would not want to do so but want to remain looking at him because that is more pleasing to us. (p.65)

For most of us, the duties required by virtue of our vocation can at times seem endless.  St Teresa assures us that our works of love, even though they may pull us away from cherished prayer time, will provide a pathway to draw us closer to God.

Know that if it is in the kitchen, the Lord walks among the pots and pans helping you both interiorly and exteriorly.  (p.67)

Understanding that interruptions in my prayer time can often be invitations by God to enter more deeply into His service guards against being resentful at being disturbed.   My ‘subtle self-love’ as St. Teresa calls it, sometimes wishes I could avoid all calls to active duty when I am engaged in prayer time and simply rest with God.  But God’s special assignments for me may come at seemingly inopportune moments.  Unless I am ready and willing to obey His call, my prayers are just words.

Foley, Marc.  St. Teresa of Avila: The Book of Her Foundations Washington, DC: ICS Publications, 2011. Print.

Trouble starts brewing for my self discipline when Starbucks launches its winter menu featuring the irresistable eggnog latte.  I spotted the red decorated cups recently and sensed an impending cave to the craving. Sure enough, within minutes I splurged and sipped a delicious double tall extra hot eggnog coffee (no sprinkles).

My temp-o-meter now hovers in the red zone, taunting me to indulge my seasonal coffee weakness to the tune of almost $5 per cup.  Although many times I do manage to escape the alluring call of sugar and caffeine, too often I simply give in and spoil myself.  Not that there’s anything evil about an occasional splurge on a sweet treat.  Rather, in my ongoing effort to grow in personal holiness, I strive for an increase in self discipline, and so learning to resist temptation plays an important role in my spiritual life.  

I recognize my own temporal weakness when I acknowledge the way eggnog lattes (or other pleasures) clamor for, and win my attention and immediate action.  In contrast, how often and how easily I overlook or ignore the quiet whisper of God calling me to prayer or sacrifice. When God asks for my undivided attention, I don’t crave Him as I should.  I see how much more difficult it is for me to hear and answer the call of God than to give in to my (constant) temporal wants.

The ‘demands’ of our bodies can so easily out-shout God’s sweet invitations. We desire rest and ease; we avoid toils and fasts. Our continual pursuit of pleasure, entertainment, and comfort gives us a sense of being filled, but these are really only empty calories compared with the delights of knowing God and drawing near to Him.

Someday I hope to have the abandon expressed in Psalm 63:

O God, you are my God whom I seek;
for you my flesh pines and my soul thirsts
like the earth, parched, lifeless and without water.

Within absence and emptiness (as to one alone in the desert), our Lord’s invitation to intimacy comes through much more clearly.  And yet how often do we spoil ourselves in worldly ways and effectively mute God’s call? When we’re fat and happy in the flesh, we are not as likely to be in tune to the voice of God.  Of course Almighty God can still work in us and through us even when we are not masters of self-discipline, but we are much easier to work with when we are free for Him.  

Learning to say no to simple pleasures in this life can help us long for much greater pleasures in the life to come, provided we fill the void with love of God and earnestly seek him with reckless abandon.  

Every delight is nothing compared to a delight of God. (cf. Wis 7:14)