Fishing for Souls

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On his first day in a walking cast, my twelve year old son hobbled off toward the fishing pond with his friend.  Poles and tackle in tow, the two boys had high hopes of catching trout on this early morning expedition.  The arrangement included a ride to the park, an agreed upon time to call for a ride home, and the ‘buddy system’ rule in full effect.

Unfortunately, the boys had accidentally left the phone behind, which I did not discover until almost an hour and half had passed without any contact.  I rushed off to retrieve the boys, expecting that I might see them walking (hobbling) home, but there was no sign of them on the short route.

I parked illegally and ran to the shores of the pond, but I could not see them anywhere.  Slightly anxious, I yelled, “PETER!” (silence) then asked an elderly man parked on a bench near the shore if he had seen two young boys with fishing poles, one wearing a cast.

“No, but I’m having a great time watching the drama unfold up in that tree.  See the bald eagle?  He’s been repeatedly mobbed by the crows and a blue jay landed on a branch behind him and started jumping and flapping his wings to try to scare him off.  But you know, animals have a sixth sense, a way of knowing whether or not they are in danger, and right now they know that the eagle is not a threat so they are leaving him alone.”

You are no threat, sitting here taking in the beauty of nature. Clearly you did not harm the boys… but I do need to find them now, so our little chat about the birds must come to an abrupt end.

“Excuse me, but I am going to go and look for the boys now.” I hurried off, praying: Saint Michael the Archangel, protect us in battle.  Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him we humbly pray, and do thou oh Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.

As I jogged down the trail along the shores of the lake, I called my 9AM appointment to inform her that I would be late due to complications with my son and his friend at the fishing pond.  A fellow park-goer overheard my slightly frantic phone call and interrupted to ask if I was looking for two boys with fishing poles.

“Have you seen them?”
“Yes, we passed them on the road on our way down here.  One was wearing a cast on his foot, and the other was wearing the fishing net on his head.”

Not a second later, my phone rang as my husband called to inform me that the pair had arrived safely home, just boys, no fish.

Walking back around the pond lifting up prayers of thanksgiving, I was stopped by the eagle watcher, who asked me if my son had injured his foot playing soccer.

“Yes, he tore the ligaments in his ankle.”

He immediately launched into a monologue on his passion for the game and his hopes of someday writing a book about the beloved sport.  He then abruptly stopped the soccer talk and asked me if my son attended the local Catholic school.

Oh, yes, I am wearing my WWU Catholic sweatshirt, and so he was curious…

“No, we home school our children.  We thought they would attend Catholic school as we did, but when I attended the open house for kindergarten I had a kind of spiritual experience and just knew that it wasn’t a good fit and we decided to home school instead.”

With a sly grin he announced, “I am a recovering Catholic myself. But I find God present in His amazing creation and not in the man-made constructs of the Church.  The whole Jesus cult thing just doesn’t hold water for me.” He went on to bemoan the disparity between the rich and the poor, in particular the stark contrast between the US and Mexico visible at the international border.

“There’s no such thing as a recovering Catholic.  You’re a fallen human being, just like the rest of us.  Jesus left us His Holy Catholic Church and His Body and Blood to sustain us until we can be with Him in heaven.  You are right to celebrate God’s creation; this is an amazing thing to behold.  So also is the amazing beauty present in His Holy Church.  You should come home.  Jesus taught us to love one another with His selfless love, and to serve one another.  If you are only listening to yourself you are leading yourself astray.”

“I remember the time I went to St. James Cathedral,” he continued, “the violins were playing and the bishop came down the aisle wearing his flowing gown.  Who does the bishop care about? You know who he’s hanging out with?  The bishop is dining with rich people, drinking wine and…”

Now, sir, your talons are visible, and you are no longer at peace on the bench.  You are clearly on the attack.

“Not our bishop.” I announced. “You have no idea what you are talking about!  He knows my name-MY name.  We met once, and he remembers me, and calls me by my name!  Our Bishop Peter Sartain is a very holy man, not even close to what you are describing.  Why don’t you come home? Come on in for yourself and discover the truth about our Church.  You are clearly being misled about the true Catholic Church.  Come to Sacred Heart, any day.  You’ll see us there, every day.  Please come to Church, come home.”

I really need to go now, but I don’t want to just leave..

“What is your name?”

“My name is Mike.”

“Michael!  You have a very powerful patron saint! Do you know I asked St. Michael’s protection as I left you a few minutes ago to search for the boys?  Do you know the St. Michael prayer?”

“No.”

“St. Michael the Archangel, protect us in battle…”

After teaching him the prayer, and listening to him recite Tennyson in reply, I promised Michael that I would pray for him, and I made a dash for my illegally parked car in hopes of making my appointment.

Interestingly, although the boys’ walk home intersected with my drive to collect them, neither of us saw the other.  I think maybe God wanted me in the park with Mike and the bald eagle.

 

Pray with me for Mike, will you please?

Comments Pending

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I am used to being ignored, in a way that many parents may find familiar, as in having to ask repeatedly before a dishwasher gets unloaded, or a dog gets fed or a load of trash gets hauled to the bin.  But recently I thought I had been muted by my Protestant friend, who took a few days to approve my comments on a recent blog post about her failed marriage.  She had shared a painful, sad story which at one point alluded to a conversation she initiated with her pastor regarding the teachings of the Catholic Church on marriage.  My comments, written intentionally and thoughtfully in the hope of providing comfort and inspiration in her time of suffering and loss seemed to have been deemed unfit for public consumption.  As I wondered about the possibility of being censored, I thought, “Perhaps I am too Catholic for approval.”  Ultimately knowing it was her decision to publish what she wished on her own site, trusting she must have had her reasons, I held no grudge.

In her post, she described the tearful day she told her pastor, “If I was Catholic this wouldn’t even be considered a marriage, since it was never consummated.”  At which point her pastor replied, “But you aren’t Catholic.  And you are married.”

Perhaps I was inspired by a quote from the daily reading:

It is impossible for us not to speak about what we have seen and heard. ~Acts 4:20

And so I prayed, and commented:

May God be praised for your honesty and charity in sharing your story… and may your experience be helpful for others and bring you closer to Christ…

The teachings of the Catholic Church on marriage are unbelievably beautiful, and give us great peace of mind (even in great trials) and true hope for the future…

I will continue to hold you in prayer, and my offer is always open if you want to come and pray with me… Praying in the Real Presence of Christ is an incredible grace. Even non-believers experience tremendous peace and deepening of (or beginning of) faith when they spend time with Him in person.

If you ever want to know and understand why the Catholic Church teaches what she teaches, please don’t ask someone who isn’t a devout, knowledgeable Catholic…you will only get an opinion (sometimes an extremely distorted and misleading, or even harmful answer {not that they would do it on purpose, it’s just that they pass on what they’ve been taught, which is most often untrue}). You cannot get the (whole) truth about the Catholic Church from a non-Catholic or an ex-Catholic or a lukewarm Catholic. (It would be like asking a vegan to explain all the details of living as a diabetic…Absurd!)

Or, look up your question or a topic of interest on a reputable website like www.Catholicscomehome.org  See the link on the main page for non-Catholics.

I am honored to call you my friend and a sister in Christ…

Signing off…with love,
Bridget

 

While this comment lingered in the land of ‘pending approval,’ I carried my friend close to my heart and prayed that she would find true peace in Christ and healing through His Real Presence. Ultimately it is her blog, and her life, and she wasn’t asking me for my opinion or my advice.  It was freely given; hers to accept or reject.

He said to them, “Go into the whole world and proclaim the Gospel to every creature.”  ~Mk 16:15

This morning I found my comment and a few dozen others, all offering kind and supportive messages had been approved.  As my friend begins a new chapter in her life, I pray that my Catholic comment will inspire her to seek the truth where the truth may be found.

{Post updated and edited 4/16/12}

Angels for the Homebound

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Taking Holy Communion to sick and homebound Catholics brings great grace and joy even in the face of serious illness, staggering pain or impending death.  The spiritual benefits of homebound communion reach not just to the recipient, but to everyone touched by the True Presence of our Eucharistic Lord.

On Easter Sunday my oldest son, Zachary (17), and I had the awesome task of bringing Holy Communion to a loyal parishioner who had just returned home from an emergency surgery and subsequent hospitalization.  Despite a 2AM bedtime after the three and a half hour (amazing) Easter Vigil and a two hour (packed) Easter morning Mass, we gladly made time to deliver our Risen Lord to our recovering friend and his faithful wife.   Our family’s egg hunt and dinner with grandparents could be postponed.

While driving to their home with the consecrated host concealed in a pyx-bag around my neck, I imagined our van surrounded and protected by attending heavenly hosts who dutifully praise God continually and guard the Blessed Sacrament.   Homebound ministers are trained to take Jesus directly, and if possible, in silence, with extreme reverence to the waiting recipient(s).  As I drove, I praised God in my heart for the privilege of bringing Him to our friends in their time of need.

Upon entering the home, our friends introduced us to a visiting couple, their dear Protestant friends who had stopped by to visit and spend Easter Sunday afternoon together.   We invited them to remain in the room while we set up a simple home altar with a crucifix, candles, and a mini corporal cloth upon which the gold pyx containing our Eucharistic Lord rested.

Before we began the prescribed liturgy, our friends apologized for the incessant barking of their little dog who had been relegated to the back deck and who stood yipping non-stop at the sliding glass door.   As owners of two excitable, often-obnoxious-barking labs, the gentle yips of their little pet seemed like whispers to our ears.

After the examination of conscience, Confiteor and proclamation of the Gospel, we attempted to relate a few highlights from the Easter Sunday homily.  As Zachary offered a synopsis of one aspect of the sermon, I was struck with a deep sense of gratitude for his willingness to minister to the sick and to participate both as the reader and in sharing Father’s teachings.  One reflection we relayed from the lesson centered on the idea of Christ’s five wounds redeeming and sanctifying our five fallen senses.  When our recovering friend heard this message, his jaw dropped and he exclaimed, “I have five wounds from my surgery!”  The healing power of the Word had obviously touched him and seemed to impart a profound consolation as he discovered the similarity between his own physical suffering and the wounds of Christ Crucified.

In union with the Universal Church, we said the prayers of the faithful and the Lord’s Prayer followed by the final preparation and pleas for mercy before the distribution of Holy Communion.   A profound silence followed their reception, allowing our friends and us the opportunity for personal prayer before our final sign of the cross and concluding prayer, “May the Lord bless us, protect us from all evil, and bring us to everlasting life.”

Our mission accomplished, Zachary and I collected our things and offered parting Easter greetings and promises of prayer for our friend’s full recovery.   Before our departure, as the barking dog carried on his relentless protestation at being left outside, the Protestant woman remarked incredulously, “Did you notice that the dog stopped barking during the Most Important Part?”  I secretly thanked the attending angels for a job well done.

Total Consecration Through Lent

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Discerning ways to grow closer to Christ through the season of Lent takes perseverance.  Myriad distractions seem to constantly erupt and attempt to block my good intentions, even of making a simple decision as to what to ‘give up’ or ‘take up’ this Lent.

This year one of my Lenten ‘take up’ disciplines came as a gift from God in the form of a phone call from a dear friend whose simple question about St. Louis de Montfort’s method of Total Devotion to Jesus through Mary inspired me.  She was discerning and soon decided to start the prescribed preparation on a suggested ‘beginning’ date which was quickly approaching (and has now arrived).

An answer to prayer, I discovered that this Total Consecration which can be celebrated or renewed at any time was highly recommended by St. Louis de Montfort to be made on the Feast of the Annunciation (March 25).  Beginning the preparation period now allows ample time for the suggested readings, meditations, prayer routines and even a general confession to form us and ready us to make a promise or consecration to Jesus through Mary on the Feast of the Annunciation.  With a renewed desire to follow the five-week formula, I decided to join my friend (and her husband) on this prayerful Lenten discipline.

My previous attempt at following the prescribed preparation saw me extending it over the course of five months rather than the suggested five weeks. I stayed with the program and found it highly valuable, but did not regularly commit to the daily readings, meditations and prayers as suggested.  The general confession was a great source of grace and well worth the effort.  I trusted that when the time was right, I would be able to make a Total Consecration in a meaningful way, perhaps with others.  The time is now!

I will once again be using a book edited by Fr. Libietis, which contains all the suggested readings from a wide variety of sources (Holy Gospels, Imitation of Christ, St. Louis de Montfort’s writings) and a wealth of information on various devotions and prayers.  I first received this book as a loan from a devout friend who made the Total Consecration herself and highly recommended it to me.  I decided to purchase a copy, when I realized the wealth of treasures it contained within.

However, this particular book is only one method of many now available to assist with the preparation.  Online resources abound, including a new iTunes Total Consecration app by Matthew Sich.

If you find yourself searching for a way to deepen your prayer life and grow closer to Jesus through our Blessed Mother this Lent, please consider joining those of us who are following in the footsteps St. Louis de Montfort. There are no hard and fast rules with the preparation or with the actual devotion; rather St. Louis offered a number of pious practices, proposed prayers and practical methods to grow in holiness.

Even if you are not able to follow the five week preparation period at this time, I highly recommend reading “Tips on Prayer and Meditation” at the beginning of Fr. Libietis’ book.  Perhaps your parish library, local library or archdiocesan resource center owns a copy or would respond favorably to a request to purchase it.  Encouragement and heavenly promises abound in Fr. Libietis’ “Tips”:

Do not expect every day to be a profitable day of meditation.  Sometimes the well can be dry.  Sometimes the tensions of daily life make the rope break. Let us not be afraid of the labor, for God seeing our good intentions and perseverance will presently come with a deluge of heavenly graces and raise us to a higher level of prayer. (p16)

May you give yourself the gift of a renewed spirit this Lent, and truly prepare yourself for Christ’s Resurrection at Easter.  Know that you are in my prayers.

 

Consecration to Mary: St. Louis De Montfort’s True Devotion : {Complete Five-Week Preparation : Prayers, Daily Meditations, Spiritual Guidance, Ceremony} by Louis-Marie Grignion De Montfort (Author), Helmuts Libietis (Editor), Angelus Press, 1998.

Hosting Jesus

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Somehow I did not inherit my mother’s phenomenal hospitality genes.  While my mom and my little sister gracefully and effortlessly host gatherings of all sizes, and entertain like professional caterers, the mere thought of having company over gives me a weak stomach.  Their guests are literally waited upon; mine are often wanting for a simple glass of water.   I understand in theory, how to host an event or welcome friends into our home.  But in practice I am just not very graceful at it.

Despite my apparent lack of charism as a hostess, we do sometimes open our home for special guests or a grand celebration.  We spend hours preparing.  Deep cleaning, beyond the usual tidying routines, finds us capturing the dust bunnies and dragging off the cobwebs that otherwise may have gone unnoticed.  Our eyes are opened to even the little messes that don’t bother us on a day-to-day basis.   Everyone pitches in and understands our common goal: to transform our place so it’s not just presentable, but inviting.

Every Sunday (or each day) that we visit Christ truly present in our tabernacles and receive His body, blood, soul and divinity into our beings at Holy Eucharist we should carefully fortify our spiritual hospitality for this most important Guest.  Have we properly arranged our houses and cleared out the cobwebs to make room for our King to enter in?  Have we thoughtfully examined the state of our souls where our beloved Lord comes to rest?

Readying ourselves for Mass, when put in the light of preparing ourselves to truly Host Jesus as our personal Guest, takes on a much deeper meaning than slipping into our Sunday best and making sure we keep the required fast.   True preparation for Holy Mass involves entering into deep cleaning mode to ensure that our house is in proper order for welcoming our Savior.  If the only examination of conscience we undertake on a regular basis is during the three second pause before the Confiteor in the penitential act at the beginning of Mass (or if we habitually arrive late for Mass and miss the rite of forgiveness) we are like the unprepared hostess who sweeps the mess under the couch to hastily make an appearance of readiness for her guests.

It’s one thing to be caught off-guard at the unexpected arrival of an unannounced human guest; it’s quite another thing to willfully forgo the necessary steps to ready ones’ self to receive Christ truly present in the Eucharist.  St. Paul’s strong teaching on the life and death matter of properly preparing for Holy Communion, begins first by proclaiming the truth that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist:

For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you,that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.”For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes.

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgmenton himself. That is why many among you are ill and infirm, and a considerable number are dying. If we discerned ourselves, we would not be under judgment; but since we are judged by [the] Lord, we are being disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.

1 CORINTHIANS 11: 23-32

If we are in the habit of a daily (or frequent) examination of conscience and regular confession, our souls can usually be fitted for Holy Communion by a good looking-over followed by a humble and heart-felt apology (Confiteor).  In other instances, when we have been away from confession for a long time and/or willfully disobey God’s commands (received as Church teachings), our souls are quite beyond a quick sweep, and long for a deep cleaning followed by a fresh coat of paint.  This necessary deep cleaning of our souls will, by God’s grace, properly dispose us to host Jesus and to fully benefit from the amazing graces in the Eucharist.  It takes time and serious effort to sort and be rid of compound clutter, especially the kind that we’re attached to or that has grown on us.  It might even hurt.  But it’s better to earnestly seek purity and receive Him appropriately than to try to hide the mess under the carpet and risk condemnation.

Shaving Sin

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Yesterday, my 17 year old son shaved his face and cut his hair for the first time in months.  The transformation was dramatic and complete:  from a wild looking thuggish character to a clean-cut youthful cherub, his before and after images are as different as a mug shot and a holy card.   A similar image overwrite happens to my soul, and yours, each time we are shaved clean of sin by the grace of God in the sacrament of confession. Only on the outside we still look the same.

Zachary’s hair and beard grew wild as his varsity swim season progressed, the chlorine damaging his hair so that it refused to be tamed by any amount of combing or conditioning.  So do our souls grow dimmer, darker, and wilder in the weeks, months or (God forbid) years that we stay away from the confessional.  It becomes harder to see clearly as the hair of sin hinders our vision, and we find ourselves generally uncomfortable and ill-at-ease with the itchy scratchy growth attaching to us as the sins pile up.  Disordered thoughts, desires and actions have their way with us, and our attempts to groom or tame these are short-lived and not very effective.  On the outside we may look the same, but inner darkness reigns.

With total freedom only a few steps away in sacramental confession, what could possibly keep us from coming clean?  Certainly, some are afraid, others are kept back by pride, for some it’s simply laziness or laxity in the spiritual life; but many are ignorant of the commands (precepts) of our Church regarding sacramental confession.  I myself let years pass between my confessions during certain stages of my life, unaware that not only was I missing out on the tremendous graces of confession, but that I was living in total disobedience to the teachings of my Church.

Our Holy Catholic Church, in her wisdom, outlines for us, her faithful children, five basic obligations or precepts to guide us toward holiness and eternal life.  According to these precepts, the sacrament of confession is not optional, but a must for us our journey toward heaven.  The Precepts of the Church (below) are not multiple choice, they are THE five positively stated principles handed down to us by the magisterium (from Christ, through the apostles) as a ‘bare minimum’ for our sanctification.

Precept number two requires that we confess our sins at least once a year.   Like a loving parent requiring an adolescent son to shower (and change socks) for the sake of cleanliness in the family home, the Church requires us to get clean in confession so that we may worthily receive Christ in the Eucharist.  Our venial sins are forgiven in the Mass, preparing us for our reception of Jesus in Holy Communion.  But our mortal sins are only forgiven through sacramental confession, and to approach Holy Communion, to receive Jesus, in a state of mortal sin is itself a grave (mortal) offense against God.  How I wish I had known this Catholic teaching during those years when I scarcely considered confession and yet regularly came forward to receive Holy Communion.

I pray that many souls will be moved to return to confession who have been away too long, or will come soon if confession has been put off.  Make a fresh start on life, give your soul a breath of fresh air, meet Christ in confession!

II. THE PRECEPTS OF THE CHURCH

2041 The precepts of the Church are set in the context of a moral life bound to and nourished by liturgical life. The obligatory character of these positive laws decreed by the pastoral authorities is meant to guarantee to the faithful the very necessary minimum in the spirit of prayer and moral effort, in the growth in love of God and neighbor:

 

2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.

 

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.

 

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy.

 

2043 The fourth precept (“You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church”) ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts and help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.

 

The fifth precept (“You shall help to provide for the needs of the Church”) means that the faithful are obliged to assist with the material needs of the Church, each according to his own ability.

 

The faithful also have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his own abilities.

 

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

 

Royal Envy

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Answered prayers are so easy to recognize when the answer is ‘yes.’   But when God answers our longings with ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ we can easily fall victim to the idea that our prayers aren’t being answered, or worse, that God isn’t listening.

Recently, in the middle of evening prayer I found myself gripped with envy of the king in Psalm 21, whose prayers had been answered by God:

LORD, the king finds joy in your power;

in your victory how greatly he rejoices!

You have granted him his heart’s desire;

you did not refuse the request of his lips.

~Psalm 21: 2-3

I was suddenly struck with the idea that my heart’s desire had not been granted; that my prayers had not been answered.  In a fleeting moment of despair I agonized over each of my particular prayer requests which were still ‘pending.’  These prayers were not for material things or special favors; these ongoing prayers were for the return of lost sheep, and the righting of wrongs.  Nevertheless, in that instant of awareness I sensed emptiness in my unanswered prayers and fought off jealousy for the king in his joy.

No sooner did I catch myself lamenting in self-pity than my eyes followed the Psalm as it continued:

For you welcomed him with goodly blessings;

you placed on his head a crown of pure gold.

He asked life of you;

you gave it to him,

length of days forever.

Great is his glory in your victory;

majesty and splendor you confer upon him.

You make him the pattern of blessings forever,

you gladden him with the joy of your face.

~Psalm 21: 4-7

I was struck with a sudden inspiration that in freeing me from my sins and calling me to Himself, God had answered the deepest prayers of my heart with forgiveness and the hope of eternal life in His presence.  In other words, I recognized that far beyond my repeated “wish list” prayers, God’s love had touched me in an eternal way.  Suddenly none of the ‘pending’ prayers on my list seemed quite so important, or urgent.  Rather I was moved to a profound gratitude for God’s endless love and a deeper longing for the crown of eternal life, and anticipation for the ultimate joy of seeing Him face to face.

It’s understandable that when I am caught up in the day to day struggles of the world, the types of prayers I offer to God are very much a pleading that our world will become a better place, our country a nation for life, and its people a holy people.  Surrounded by the ongoing turmoil in our land, I can so easily relate to the sorrows of Job:

Is not life on earth a drudgery,

its days like those of a hireling?

Like a slave who longs for the shade,

a hireling who waits for wages,

So I have been assigned months of futility,

and troubled nights have been counted off for me.

~Job 7: 1-3

When my eyes are fixed on God alone, my prayers and longings are for union with Him and eternal life.  Trusting completely in His plans and designs, I may still plead for change (here and now) and beg relief from the oppression of the foe, but with a deep sense of peace in the truth that these Earthly struggles and trials are temporary. My relationship with Him is forever.

Keep praying…

Leaving a Trace

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It might sound crazy, but I’m praising God that our home computer was destroyed.  Well, not that it was destroyed per se, but that in His mercy God allowed us to know the true cause of the total crash.  The techie who rebuilt the machine was able to pinpoint the source of the terrible virus which infiltrated our PC, as well as the precise time at which the system was infected.

Thank God we were not home when the virus attacked.  We had travelled to another city for the baptism of our dear friends’ son.  As a result, no one in our family came under false suspicion.  No one had to be interrogated or questioned or put on the defense.  There was only one person on the suspect list; only one person with access to the computer (though thoroughly lacking our permission to use it).

In our short absence, we had trusted our home and pets to someone we love, someone we thought we could count on; someone who knew the rules of the house and had agreed to follow them.  Instead, he was tempted to transgress, and gave in to the temptation.  He simply lacked the self-control to avoid forbidden fruit.  His sinful choice led to the complete destruction of our PC and subsequent severe damaged to our relationship.

Relatively speaking, the computer’s hard drive (already rebuilt) won’t suffer the kind of long-term damage that viewing sinful images causes the human mind and soul.  The young man who defied our rules and breached our trust needs our prayers for a full recovery from the vice; for freedom from that deadly demon.  We pray that he will be set free from the type of dishonest and sneaky behavior that led to the crash.  Unfortunately, he may not choose healing and might continue to engage in sins that may lead to the death of his soul.   Thus far he has shown no remorse, and offered no apology.  In short, he seems unaffected by the suffering, inconvenience and expense his behavior caused us.

Learning from our mistakes, we have since put a password on the machine, updated our anti-virus software and restricted the guilty party from being left alone in our home ever again.  Our relationship with him has changed, not ended.  As such, we have been given a new spiritual challenge:  learning to be in the presence of someone who willfully and unapologetically betrayed our trust while showing him loving kindness and living virtues.  This has not proven to be an easy task, to say the least.

I gain strength and perseverance in this trial by simply remembering our Lord in His endless mercy, His love for sinners and His willingness to be in their presence and serve them despite their vices and miseries.  I have found comfort in reflecting upon the Last Supper, our Lord dining with Judas, fully knowing and accepting his role as the betrayer yet loving him as one of His own at table.  What tremendous love!  What unspeakable compassion!  I pray that I may be blessed to receive a small dose of such perfect love and that I may in turn shower it upon someone at my table without regard for whether he is deserving of it or grateful for it.

May I always remember first and foremost my own unworthiness and sinfulness, and remain free from vindictive impulses against those who have hurt me.

“Lord, make me a channel of your peace…”

Wish Lists

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My mother in law always asks us for a Christmas wish list, usually due no later than Thanksgiving weekend.  Her Christmas shopping begins in earnest after she’s received our wishes and determined which gifts will bring the most joy (within a given price range).  Sometimes the wish list is a starting point and she chooses different gifts from a similar thread yet which as officially un-wished-for come as a complete surprise to the recipient.

If you’ve ever gone to great lengths to prepare a wish list or registry for some gift-getting occasion (a birthday, Christmas, wedding, etc.) you may remember silently suffering when the gift opening ended without the appearance of the particularly wished-for item.  This same pain in not receiving a desired object can also plague our spiritual life when we have spent hours, days, or perhaps years in prayer begging God for some particular grace, conversion, gift or healing without it being made manifest.

But God loves to listen to our wish lists!  We must remember that these prayer requests are not ‘get lists’ the same way our wish lists for Christmas don’t guarantee the items will appear under the tree.  In a certain way, our longing or wishing prayers to God become our constant prayer, ever on our lips (burning in our hearts).   St. Augustine wrote “…if you wish to pray without ceasing, do not cease to desire” (Office of Readings, p. 303).  The deepest desires of our heart (known already by our Almighty God) if given a voice in prayer, allow us to truly pray without ceasing as St. Paul encouraged.

The constancy of you desire will itself be the ceaseless voice of your prayer.  And that voice of your prayer will be silent only when your love ceases.  For who are silent?  Those of whom it is said:  Because evil has abounded, the love of many will grow cold. ~St. Augustine (p.303)

Yes, it can be very difficult to keep desiring something when it seems that God is answering with a great big NO.  But according to St. Augustine, a giving up of our desire or the silencing of our prayer would mean that evil has crept in and our hearts are consequently suffering from frostbite.   Brrr!  That doesn’t sound too appealing, does it?

So keep your deepest wish list handy in your prayer life.  Give voice to the longings and desires of your heart.  Trust in God and know that your prayers will always be answered; appreciate the mystery of HOW and WHEN.  Expect the unexpected, and never stop expecting.

As this Christmas Season draws to a close and we begin to pack up our Christmas treasures, let us not abandon our wishes.  For our deepest longings never go away, not like the desires for material things either forgotten once received, or simply upgraded for newer wishes and wants.  No, our real wish list, the greatest desires of our hearts continue to burn within us day and night.  These desires must not be stifled or set aside and abandoned.  Give them a voice.

The Liturgy of the Hours: According to the Roman Rite. New York: Catholic Book Pub. Co, 1975. Print.

Praying for Humility

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Our holy parish priest introduced us to the Litany of Humility a few years ago in a homily. Father printed home-made prayer cards and distributed them by hand to anyone who wished to learn to pray the litany.  I keep the litany prayer card on my desk, which means that sometimes it gets buried for months under piles of paper.

This litany recently re-entered my prayer life as I began week two in Consecration to Mary: St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion.  Praying the Litany of Humility as part of the spiritual exercises that week, I realized just how drastic and counter cultural a call to humility can be.  A few lines of the litany really speak to me:

 From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

These principles of being forgotten, of letting go of the desire to be honored, and of wanting others to be chosen before me are very far from my natural inclinations, nearly opposite in fact.  But the longer I pray these words, the more often I find myself recognizing what would otherwise be an occasion for hurt feelings, resentment or anger becoming and instance of recognizing God’s grace in my life.  If I’m going to pray for humility, I should be prepared to praise God when my prayers are granted!

Of course, I can’t really sign-up to be forgotten; being forgotten just happens.  How I respond to the gift of being forgotten determines whether I will draw closer to God in a spirit of humility or rage in pride and fall from His side. When these situations do occur, I do have a choice in how I respond, and the choice I make matters in building my relationship with God.

Earlier this month, my husband and I were forgotten on a guest list for a very special banquet.  In years past, we have hosted a table at this event, and we always look forward to an evening out together in support of one of our favorite Catholic charities.  This year my husband would have been presenting a donation at the banquet as the Grand Knight, on behalf of our local Knights of Columbus Council which raises funds to support the charity.  Yet it wasn’t meant to be.  By the time we found out about the banquet, we had already made plans to share a meal with our visiting Goddaughter and her daddy.

At the very instant when I realized that we had been forgotten on the guest list, by the grace of God I recognized it as an answer to my prayer for humility.  Although I was momentarily saddened, I turned my sorrow to praise and lifted up thanks to God for the gift of an answered prayer and for helping to form me in humility.  This is not my natural state!

The banquet planners expressed deep regret upon realizing our names had been dropped from the guest list, and asked us to please consider attending on short notice.  We knew that our plans to spend time with our Goddaughter should come first, and were not tempted to cancel.  I let them know that in praying the Litany for Humility I had recognized the whole incident as a gift from God, and assured them that we were not nursing a grudge or harboring anger.  We will continue to support the charity financially and by our prayers and support.

In sharing this experience, I wish to re-emphasize that of myself, my reaction to being forgotten, overlooked or not chosen would not be holy (to say the least).  My natural inclination is to give in to self-pity and irritability, and maybe even lash out in response to these sufferings.  But by the grace of God, the fruits of praying the Litany of Humility allowed me (and my husband) to walk through a difficult moment without distancing ourselves from God by our own selfish inclinations.  Prayer works!